The Diary Of a physco?

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I finally got what I wanted.. I got him back. Everything I ever wanted and needed is right with me. But now.. it's worse than when he was gone.. have you ever wanted something so badly, and then you get it, and it's sh!t, but you keep it anyway because you probly paid good money for it. Well, that's my love life. And now I'm just venting about it, for the hell of it. The first month we were together I was as happy as I could be.. then like and idiot I left him. I don't know if I've covered this before, but that was a refresh if I have. After that I considered my life, actual hell. Then, as soon as I had so much hope in getting him back, he wasn't mine for the taking anymore... he was hers. I cried and cried, but he never swam up my river to me. But, I stayed persistent. I was not gonna let him go. And after a while, they broke up, then I really tried.. I tried so hard to get him back that I actually felt worn out. I was in more pain then I've ever been in. And after a few silent weeks.. school ends.. but.. he'll be going to a different school and I'll never see him again. All I do is cry now. He is going into ROTC, (Military, Navy etc.) If he goes in that direction, he'll be old enough to go off and fight or do something in just 3 years The love of my life could be shot and killed. And.. now I'm thinking about running away with him.. he has a truck. But, I'm just scared I'll never see him again. Now the the reason I started this chapter. He texted me one day, saying he wanted me back, and everything else. I was overjoyed, I could barely breathe, I had done it. Two days into our (2nd) try at a relationship, he's busy all the time, and as soon as he texts me hey, he goes to bed. Last night I wanted to talk to him so badly, and just say I love him, but instead I had to say goodnight. And God forbid I talk about anything to do with sadness or the past or "hey.. I'm not feeling so well" because I tried to vent to him.. and I got an "XD" A FRICKEN XD!? I was debating my self convince and killing myself and I get an XD. I shouldn't have to tell him that I didn't mean it positively. BUT NO I have to be happy ALL THE TIME and I have to be okay with everything. But all I want is him, for him to talk to me and hug me and say he loves me... like he used to.. I don't know what happened.. but it's like know he barely has enough time to type "Yes." He used to be so loving and just my little angle all the time.. now he's different somehow.. I'm giving all of my love.. but not getting much in return. But of course I won't tell him.. I would hate to be self centered. And I'll never break up with him.. because I know if I do, I'll only want him back.. no matter what. So even if it's unhealthy, I'll stay by his side, no matter what.