J'aime vous beaucoup. (I love you a lot.)

Chapter 22: The World Has Turned And Left Me Here.

                         Another day. It's been three weeks. Words still can't express what I feel now. Happy? I guess so. I don't know. As I looked into the mirror, I see not of anything that could stop my day everyday. Why? Because I got her. She cures any pain by just smiling. I see her everyday. Well only the school days. She likes it, so do I. Her touch, mesmerizing. Her voice, awe inspiring. We always take this morning walks to her class and just sit down and talk as I watched her do her unfinished homework. She keeps logs in my phone, typing out anything random and asked me to read it at night. I love reading those logs. They are amazing. We share stories, about our days and about our lives. Amazing. Who knew I could open out so much towards a girl. 

                   On our fourth week together, things started to become out of place. For some reason, she's shoving me away. Literally. She gives me short replies instead of elaborating them. She doesn't even look at me nor smile anymore. I tried to ignore it by keeping on smiling to her and give her these kisses on her forehead before I go to class. It bugs me though. Well maybe she's just not in the mood or something. 

                   "Hey you're okay?," I asked her the next day. "Yeah," she replied with a straight face, doing her Basic Economics graph. "Is there something wrong that I do not know about?," I asked again, still keeping a smile. "Nothing's wrong." This time she didn't even looked at me and her eyes are trained on the graph. I was actually getting annoyed by this so I pulled the graph out of her face. "Hey! Give that back!" She looks mad. "I don't buy it." "Buy what?! Give my paper back!" "Not until you tell me why are you ignoring me." She let out a long sigh. "Well? What's it gonna be?," I challenged her. "Fine. Yes something's bothering me. But can I not tell you now?" I thought about it for a while. "Fine." I gave her back her paper.I gave her a kiss on her forehead, and left. And now the thing she wanted to tell me is bugging me out! Don't you just hate that feeling?

                    Wednesday. She is still ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder. I still smiled. Although knowing I could break down anytime now. I find an excuse to excuse my presence from her. But then by recess, I have had enough of this. I confronted her about this at her class. That time, there was only a few of her friends in her class. "Jules, you better tell me what I want to know. And by that, the thing that's been bothering you and I want to know them now." "No." "What? Tell me because this is disturbing." "Okay, sit down." My heart's beating fast. Her elbows are on the table, her hands on her cheeks.

                    "The reason I shove you away is because you reminded of Austin." I was like, "What? Who in the world is that?" "Someone who gave me a lot of hopes and dreams and you, being the boy you are, do almost the same thing." I couldn't believe my ears. Have they like deceived me? "Oh your ex. Wow how can I be similar to him? Fuck. Okay, I promise I will not be him because he's a dumbass for leaving you hanging." I tried to be calm, trying to not make a scene. "So what now Jules?," my face buried in my palms. "Let's not talk for a week." "Okay. Have it your way." I just get out of her class. This is sad. Very sad. Tomorrow is our first month together. I wonder if she even remembers it. Sigh.

                     And so we didn't speak to each other. She talked to a lot of other people, even Willy, so happy and cheerfully. After the one week period, I went up to her for a little talk. We sat down under a big tree at school where we always do before the silent period. We didn't even talk. "Hey you want to talk?" I asked, sounding cheerful. "Not really," she replied, whilst reading her book. "Why not?" "You know what, let's just end this." "End what?," I asked, confused. "Better have no relationship than have one and it doesn't seem to work." Suddenly, my mind is just.. empty. I tried to figure things out but but only bullshit comes out. "So you're just going to leave me like how Austin left you? What is this? Some kind of revenge? I know it's my fault for loving you so much but you know you can just say so in the first place so that I can give you space." She closed her eyes. Her lips curled up. She gave out a deep breath. My eyes are starting to water. Anger is filled. This is madness. She's quiet. "Fine, let's just end this." I got up and walked away. I just..