"adapted to these models
who's adapted to the bottle
they take it down like water
just to burn away their sorrows
i'll stay up till tomorrow
just to tear down all their morals
and all is fair in love and war..."
adaptation- the weeknd
••••
colby's pov
it's been six months.
six months since she left.
six months since i was happy.
six months since i was sober.
~six months ago~
"i don't want to fucking hear it colby! there's no excuse!" y/n yelled from across the room, throwing stuff in a suitcase.
"baby girl don't go" i go over to her, trying to calm her down.
"get the hell away from me colby. we're done."
"it was a mistake! we all make mistakes!"
"well sometimes you can't excuse those mistakes like they're nothing."
"i still love you. more than anyone ever."
"you're so drunk right now. go ahead and invite that girl you slept with over. because i'm done. i'm leaving." she snapped, slamming the door behind her.
~present day~
she left me because i left her.
i left her alone.
i slept with another girl.
i drank too much.
and now she's gone.
i haven't spoken to her since then. i've tried, she's never answered.
i come home every night to roommates who have given up on me. they've seen me at my worst and that was too much for them. i don't talk to them anymore, they don't talk to me.
but i see the looks they give me when i bring another girl home.
disappointment.
anger.
sadness.
but i guess that reflects how i feel.
the day i lost her, i felt so much. so much ran through me. and i just think after feeling so much at once and being so overwhelmed by those feelings, it burned me out.
after drinking every day since she left, i'm numb to the pain.
i drink just to feel something. after her, i was frozen. i couldn't feel, i couldn't do anything. the burning sensation as the alcohol goes down my throat is the closest i get to feeling anything.
that stupid fucking night.
if only i would've stayed with her like she wanted me to.
••••
"i lay my head on a thousand beds
it's been a test to see how far a man
can go without himself
i think i lost the only piece that held it all in place
now my madness is the only love i let myself embrace"
••••
i gave her away. for what?
fame?
fun?
i made a trade. to get nothing in return.
but i can't do anything now.
every night is a different bar or club.
every night is a different drink.
every night is a different pill.
every night is a different girl.
they're all just as broken as i am. and we take advantage of each other like that.
i drive myself mad thinking about her.
she was the one. and i let her go for nothing.
she's moved on. she's probably happy. i've seen her sitting on the couch with kat and sam when i'd get home.
she'd see me walk in, every night, more drunk than the last.
i would be embarrassed, but no emotion comes through anymore. it's like a dark cloud hangs over my head wherever i go.
i try to forget. i try to distract myself. whether it's alcohol, drugs, or other girls. anything to forget.
anything to forget the girl i love. her hair, her lips, her eyes, her body. how she'd wrap her arms around me and kiss me on the cheek when she saw me. the pain in her eyes that night.
i sit in my room for hours telling myself not to go out tonight. telling myself that i'm better than this. telling myself i'm not a disappointment.
but whenever a tear even starts to form in my eyes, i'm already out the door.
it's not fun for me. it's not fun going out, getting drunk, getting high, hooking up with another girl. it's not fun.
but it passes the time.
••••
the weeknd is my life and my favorite artist at the moment. go listen to his song adaptation!!!! it's so good!!!!
i love being inspired by songs because while they have their story, you can make it your own and make it what you want.
should i do more of these???
i really loved writing this imagine because it doesn't have a happy ending and it tested me as a writer to write in someone else's mind. idk i love it.
hope you guys like it too!!
xoxo
