Couldn't Stop Caring || Bellarke

Seven.

Clarke still hadn't come to terms with the fact that she was to become a mother. She didn't want to think about it, so she simply ignored it. She kept herself busy in the medical hut while she waited for the search party to return. Even if she was angry at Bellamy and was confused about their relationship, she didn't want anything to happen to him. Clarke had thought about her marriage a lot over the past twelve days. She was certain, without a doubt, that she loved Bellamy more than anything. After all, she had married him. But the more she thought about it, the more she wondered if they'd done the right thing. 

Their arguments could destroy even the hardest of souls. She knew because they had almost destroyed each other plenty of times. She wasn't naïve. She knew their relationship could be seen as toxic sometimes. She knew that what they shared wasn't always healthy. But that didn't mean she didn't love him. That didn't mean that she couldn't list hundreds of positive things about their relationship. Like the way he protected her, the way he looked after her, the way he made her laugh, cheered her up, and held her at night, to name a few. 

Clarke absentmindedly wrapped bandages around the cut hand of a young girl called Mary. Mary had caught her hand while skinning a rabbit to cook and eat. Clarke felt like she was on autopilot. She'd done this enough times now that she didn't even need to think about it.

"Ow," Mary hissed as Clarke tied the bandage.

Clarke snapped out of her thoughts and looked mortified.

"I'm so sorry, Mary," Clarke said quickly.

"It's alright. It must be hard with Bellamy being gone. I bet you miss him like crazy," Mary smiled.

Clarke forced a smile on her face. She wasn't ready to talk about Bellamy yet.

"I think you're really brave for staying here and looking after us while he's gone," Mary said as she got off the table.

"You do?" Clarke asked.

"Yeah, most wives or girlfriends would throw a fit if their men tried to leave them behind. But you trust him enough to let him do it alone. Well, not alone, but without you," Mary shrugged.

Clarke didn't respond. She simply smiled as well as she could manage. Mary's words stayed in her mind for the rest of the day. Clarke hadn't even thought of it that way. She'd been so desperate to find her mother that she hadn't stopped to think about trust. Of course, she trusted Bellamy. Pretty much everything he did was for her, he'd said so himself. Bellamy hadn't left her behind to spite her. He'd done it because he wanted her to trust him with the task and keep her safe.

Clarke sat on a chair and let her head drop into her hands. When did everything become so complicated? Why did they have to be the way they were? If they loved each other as much as they said they did, why did they fight like they hated each other? These thoughts only fuelled her thoughts on their relationship ending. Maybe finishing their relationship was the best thing for them.

But it wasn't just about the two of them anymore. Clarke had to think about another addition to their messed up life. Clarke would never stop Bellamy from being a father. She lost her own father, and she wouldn't put her child through that. But she also didn't want her child in an environment where their mother and father argued to the point of destruction. It wasn't healthy, and no child should have to see it. She wasn't going scar her child emotionally.

First things first, she had to talk to Bellamy. She decided she wouldn't tell Bellamy about the baby until they had spoken about their relationship. There were definitely things they needed to discuss, and Clarke didn't want to make the baby an extra factor to force Bellamy to stay. Now, she just had to wait for him to return, whenever that might be.