Fluke

Maine

"Maine?"

I snapped out of reminiscing yet another memory with RJ.

"I'm so sorry, Gio. What did you say?"

He looked at me kind of sadly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course. Just a little preoccupied."

"Is it because..."

"What? Because of what?"

"That guy na nakasabay natin sa Grab. Is it because of him?"

Gio is more observant than I gave him credit for. So I opted for the truth.

"Yes. How did you know?"

"I saw the way you two were looking at each other, Maine. There's something there. Strangers don't look at each other like that. Why did you think I was so quiet on the way here?"

I stayed silent.

"Besides, you've been texting a lot tonight. And every time you look down at your phone, you smile. Either that or you've been smiling at your crotch."

I grinned at him sheepishly. "I'm so sorry, Gio. I'm a bad date."

"Yeah, you are," he laughed. "But that doesn't make you a bad person. I guess I'm just not your type," he shrugged.

I looked at Gio. He was good looking. He was a gentleman. He smelled nice. He had been quite pleasant throughout the date. He was okay. But there was something missing. This was the first date that I had gone on since RJ and I broke up a year ago and I guess it wouldn't matter who I went out with. I would always compare them to him. And they would always fall short.

What a coincidence. My first date in a year and my car broke down which led to us taking a Grab car. And out of all the Grab cars in the city, we had to share with the one person who kept a piece of my heart and never returned it. The first time RJ and I met was also an accident. I wasn't even supposed to go to that coffee shop that day but my pregnant sister was craving their Dark Chocolate Pistachio Sea Salt cookies so I drove for an hour to get a box for her. When I got there, I thought I'd give myself a treat so I got a good cup of coffee and a cookie too. I sat down to read. There were so many people there that day. I barely noticed the guy who sat in front of me carrying what looked like food for at least three people. Until he ate my cookie, that is. And the rest is history.

RJ and I exchanged numbers the same day we met in the coffee shop. Which I have never in my whole life done before. Given my number to a stranger, I mean. But something about him put me at ease. So we started texting back and forth and meeting for impromptu chats over coffee and cookies or the occasional lunch. After three weeks of this, he asked me out on an actual date. And well, we all know how that turned out: I had to wear turtle necks to the office over the next week.

He was unlike anybody that I had dated before. He was sweet and kind and gentle. But he was passionate. His love for me was exhilarating. Intoxicating. Every moment with him felt like I was floating on a cloud. And I got so engrossed in him that I started forgetting myself. And that scared me. Eight months into our relationship was when I started having doubts about us.

It all went downhill from there.

And here we are, a year later. Strangers but not really. I'm sitting across someone else and all I can think about is him. He never really left my mind. I can't even count the number of times that I've wanted to pick up the phone to ask how he's been. But I stopped myself because I was the one who asked for a break up. It wouldn't have been fair for me to barge in his life just because I missed him. I still do. I miss him so much that it aches.

Not for the first time I think that breaking up with him was a mistake. Seeing him again today has really put things into perspective for me. It was a catalyst for realizations. It really opened my eyes to the fact that after all this time, it's still him.

It will probably always be him for me.