I hate being this way. I hate being schizoeffect. I hate having anger issues and having insecurities and paranoia and depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I hate being the black sheep of the family. I hate being like this all the time. I hate the fact that I'm always either hated, made fun of, or liked for something I do. I hate the fact that I do this in general. That I get angered so easily. It's not funny how easy I can turn on the spot and get so angered. I just want to destroy things. I want to destroy people. I want to bring them down until they're left broken at my feet. I feel that all the time when I'm mad and I'm mad lots of the time. I just want to be above everyone else and feared. And I hate that I want this. I hate that I crave it. I hate myself so much. I loathe myself so much. I despise myself so much. Nothing can be said to make me like myself even a tiny bit and I'm so stubborn that I won't allow someone to tell me that I'm amazing and wonderful. I just won't allow it.I would ignore them or I would agree just to get them to be quiet about it. No amount of agreeing would actually get me to believe.
