Feelings - A Lesbian Story

Chapter Six

It was hard saying goodbye to Mia, I didn't want to stop staring into her eyes, touching her face, her hair, holding her hand and I really didn't want to stop kissing her, but I had to go home. As I drove the two hours home every mile made my heart feel a little heavier as the distance between us grew. I had to remind myself that I would see her next weekend for her homecoming dance and that we would talk and text through the week to get us by in the meantime.

Leo was in the driveway shooting hoops when I pulled in, he smiled and waved as I parked; I wasn't even out of the jeep yet and he was at my door, "We should go get some ice-cream." What? It was getting cold out and he wanted ice-cream, but the look on his face said that there was more. "What? Why?" he glanced back at the house, "You had a visitor earlier; she wanted to talk to you. I told her to meet us at the diner." Oh crap, Sam, after my talk with Mia I hadn't texted her back. "Okay let's take my stuff in and tell them where we are going." He grabbed my backpack and we went in and dropped my stuff by the stairs, dad was on the couch watching a football game, we told him even though he was only half paying attention and left quickly before mom could catch us.

We pulled up in front of the diner, sure enough, Sam was sitting in one of the booths by the window; I took a deep breath before getting out and heading in. I told Leo to sit at the counter and order whatever he wanted, Sam saw me walking towards her and a smile spread across her face as she sat up a little straighter and tucked a few strands of hair behind her left ear. I walked over to the booth and sat down across from her, "Thanks for coming, when I didn't hear back from you I wasn't sure if you would come or not." I didn't know what to say to her. "So...what did you want to talk about?" she got nervous, she couldn't keep her hands still as she talked. "I wanted to tell you about why I did it, why I took all those pills." She looked up at, just a quick look before she went back to watching her hands. "I did it because I hurt you. I made a mistake when you told me how you felt, I should have been honest with you." She glanced at me again but I stayed silent, waiting to hear what else she had to say. "We didn't just move here because of my dad's job, we moved because at my last school I was tortured for being gay, there were fights and threats, and I got into a lot of trouble. When we moved here I told myself that I would just be normal, just get through high school and get to college and things would be better." She took a breath, "Then I met you and the girls, I felt included for the first time in a very long time."

"I'm not saying any of this as an excuse for what I let happen to you, I just want you to know everything." She let out a long breath like she had been holding it, "When you told me that you were having feelings for me I should have told you that I felt the same way. From the first moment you blew me away, I couldn't help but feel something for you, your smart, funny, beautiful, kind and so much more. But when you told the girls and they turned on you I got scared, I had been through that once before and I didn't want to do it again." I kept my face neutral when she looked at me, I knew she was trying to figure out what I was thinking and feeling, the thing was I didn't know that myself. "Watching you last year, how you dealt with everything, it helped me to see that I could do it to if I tried. That's why I came to your house at the beginning of school, I was trying to tell you all of this then but that conversation didn't go the way I had hoped. I'm not blaming you, but I underestimated how badly I had hurt you and how well you had been able to hide it all." I couldn't look at her anymore, I gazed out the diner window watching the traffic pass by. "I went home, feeling the lowest I ever had because I had seen what I did to you. Because of my actions, I had forever changed the person that you were and I couldn't stand it." She couldn't stand it? Really? "I'm sorry?"

I couldn't sit there anymore, I got up and went over to Leo and told him it was time to go, I left more than enough cash for his milkshake and fries and we walked out the door, I heard Sam call my name but I just couldn't do this. Out in the fresh air, I took a deep breath before getting in the jeep, I didn't even look at the diner as I started it up and left the parking lot, Leo didn't say or ask anything as we drove. I wasn't ready to go home yet, I needed to think, and he let me do what I needed to. I ended up stopping at the lake that was just outside of town; I turned the engine off and just sat there staring at the water.