1. the first time he puts his hands on you, you will want to run. do not run. instead, shut down. stay still. become silent, become invisible.
2. believe him when he tells you that this is just a game. it does not matter whether or not you are having fun, it is just a game. repeat it to yourself enough that it starts to feel true. it will never feel true. try anyway.
3. don't tell. if you love him, tell no one. he'll get in trouble, and they'll take him away from you. you don't know why him leaving scared you, but it does. don't tell.
4. be a good kid. eat your vegetables. do your homework. stay quiet. take up as little space as possible. if you shrink into yourself, maybe he won't notice. you know it's a lie, he always notices. that doesn't matter.
5. when he puts his cigarettes out on you, don't scream. it will sting, and the tears will well up in your eyes. still, don't scream. smile, remember that every time he spits in your face it is because he doesn't know any other ways to tell you he loves you. when his hands are around your throat, know it's for the best.
this is how you survive
