The Summer Before Senior Year

I wanted her back. Turning seventeen was not gonna change anything like i had hoped. She would not be here to give the seventeen birthday punches, and one for good luck. Looking around me I wonder why all these girls and boys, that I call my friends, have big smiles plastered on their faces. It wasn't their birthday was it? So why were they smiling for me, I was just a girl looking to fit in. This is not me although I wish it was. I watched as the blonde boy with the lip piercing watched from far away, taking yet another drag from his joint. Who was he? Who was I? Who have I become with these people? Where was I in the right mind to ever think it was okay to take shots and smoke pot every night. She wasn't here to tell me where to get back on the right track. She wasn't here to encourage me to get the straight A's in all AP classes, I once had. I wanted her back.

"Aren't you going to blow out the candles?" My short friend Vanessa asked.

I looked around at everyone around me, it was no longer smiles plastered across their faces, now looks of confusion. I leaned forward blowing out all the candles without any effort as everyone around the tiny table clapped and cheered, except me. I didn't even smile. My gaze slowly went towards the blondie again, now laughing with his friend I had known for a year, with cool florescent green hair, paying no attention towards me and I kinda liked it.

Quickly I got out of my seat muttering an excuse to leave for a moment making my way to the bathroom down the hall. I hate who I have become, but now it's an addiction. I can't resist the fact that I'm friends with these kinds of people just because I come to this same exact house just to roll joints and smoke them. I wanted her to yell at me, I wanted her to tell me no, I wanted her back.