Stellar Mistakes

Tears in the Rain

It was not like Lucy to wish for silly, childish things, but she did this time. She wished time would stop.

It was dark now. Loke had walked with her all around town, they had dinner at some hole-in-the-wall café, and then he walked her all the way back to her apartment. Now, they stood facing one another on the sidewalk in front of her place. Their time together was almost over.

"Thank you for taking me home."

"Of course," he replied chivalrously. Loke looked like he wanted to say something, but he hesitated, then shut his mouth. Time passed in awkward silence. Both were thinking things, yet neither could speak.

Lucy knew she was the one who needed to end this, yet she could not bring herself to say goodbye.

Finally, Loke spoke. "You said to me once, you don't know what I'm thinking. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I hope that today, I was able to show you at least a little of how I feel."

She thought over that day. Loke had shown her a comical, playful, completely open side to himself. He had been sweet, attentive, and acted like he completely adored her. He had also talked about his family and childhood, something he completely avoided before.

Was that why he wanted a date, so he could finally show her how he felt? Why had he never asked her to go on a date up until now?

As she thought about that, suddenly everything made sense.

'If Mr. Leo feels even one-tenth of what I feel for him, maybe those feelings were leaving him as confused as they had left me. Maybe he didn't know how to show them until now. He might have been reluctant about opening up when he had already begun on plans for an engagement that would change his life forever. Maybe he felt guilty for falling for someone he was boss over. He might have been scared that he could be demoted, lose his job, and he likely felt threatened by the king. I only felt trapped by fears of rejection; he had his career and social standing at risk, as well as the future of the entire company resting on his shoulders.'

All of that pressure on him, yet he had still made love to her over and over again. He still wanted her, despite threats from the king. He took her on this incredible date, and now he refused to simply let her go and walk away.

She already realized, he would probably never smile as sweetly at her again as he was now, with his eyes so soft and a little sad. This smile was special, something he never showed anyone at work. It was a smile only for her.

Something cold landed on her cheek. Startled, she looked up and realized it was starting to drizzle.

Rain. It always rained when something happened between them.

"You..." Lucy bit her lip as she struggled past her aching emotions. "You're kind and earnest, you struggle to get through life just like the rest of us, but you don't let anyone know it. Today, you also showed me that you're funny, playful, and a little boyish at times. I'm thankful you let me see that side to you as well."

"I'm glad you don't think less of me now."

"Oh, no!" she exclaimed. "I..." Her voice began to tremble, and she stopped sharply.

'I love you!'

Despite everything, she knew those were words she was not supposed to say, especially not now. If she released that one thing, then like Pandora's box, it would all burst open. It was not fair to her to tell him that now at the end, and it was not fair to him to hear it when he could no longer reciprocate, even if he wanted to. He could never be hers, not in that way, so it was unfair to say it only now.

She knew what had to happen next. They would say goodbye, he would go home, and come Monday she would be Ms. Heartfilia, and he would again be Mr. Leo. He would agree to the engagement, win the GMG account, get married, have a family, perhaps even be happy with a wife and children.

She could not be part of that. It was not something she wanted, to be a mistress on the side. It simply was not the life for her.

So she clamped up and returned that important emotion back down deep into her heart.

"I ... respect you."

Loke looked disappointed by her businesslike words. However, just then, Lucy's bottom lip quivered. She tried so hard to hold back the tears. Just another minute, just long enough to say goodnight, turn around, and flee to her bedroom where she could sob into a pillow.

She just had to say goodbye and leave.

But she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Her throat choked up to hold it all back, her eyes blinked hard to dam the tears, and her chest tightened as her lungs began to spasm.

'Just say goodbye. You need to be the one to end this, Lucy. Just say it and you can leave.'

She couldn't, though. She didn't want to cry in front of Loke, but she didn't want to leave him to cry alone. She didn't want to lose him forever.

The pain tore down her resolve, an agonized sob burst out, and she covered her face as tears fell thickly.

"Lucy," he sighed, as if he knew the feelings she was struggling to hold back.

"L-Loke!"

At the sound of his name being cried like that, he reached forward and gently cupped her cheek with his big, strong hand. He had touched her so many times, but now that Lucy knew she would never feel the warmth of those hands again, they felt so much more powerful and intimate. She placed her hand over his, so she would never forget this feeling.

The moment her skin brushed against the hand she so loved, Loke put his arm around her and held her tightly. She buried her face into his chest and let herself sob. Loke did not try to get her to calm down. Instead, he gently kissed her on the head, again and again.

"Loke," she whispered.

He wrapped her up with both arms and strengthened his hold on her, like he was protecting her from the rain and the sadness and the cruel unfairness of life and fate. Lucy also grasped around his waist, clinging to him as the rain turned into a downpour. Loke's arms tightened even more, as if he wanted to hold on for eternity.

'I'll never again feel his body, his warmth, his arms. This is it. The end.'

They got soaked in each other's arms. Lucy's tears washed away in the rain, and when she finally raised her head to look up at Loke, it was hard to tell if the water on his face was truly just raindrops, or if he was crying the same as her.

"It always rains with us," he whispered.

She sniffled and nodded.

His hand caressed her cheek as he gazed at her with sad, tender eyes. "Can I stay until the rain stops?"

She gulped down her tears and nodded again. Again, maybe it was a silly, childish thing, but Lucy wished it would rain every day for the rest of her life.