Poetry Readings

It's your life

Late at night, I sit here and think about how life is going so far. I think about how it's going, despite the fact that I'm not the one in control of it like I should be. I'm not the one affecting my future by living in the present. I'm not the one making my decisions, I'm not doing what I want like I should be.
You are.
You're the one telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. You're pointing to a future YOU want me to have. You're pointing me to a future that YOU wanted to have. The future that I don't want.
What kind of future do I want exactly? That's all I ask myself. What do I want to do in life, but I don't know. I don't know what I want to do. I can say I want to go wrestle, you tell me to go be a doctor. But i don't see you being a doctor. I'm addition, I HATE chemistry. I HATE science. I hate everything about it.
Even if I were to be a doctor, I wouldn't be able to do it. I would end up killing someone cause I don't know what I'm doing. And if that were to happen, I would blame it on you. I would say, "I'm only doing this because my father said I should do it not because I want to. I came here not knowing what I'm doing because I came by force".
I don't really have no say in life. You sealed my gate when I took those SATs which I didn't really know If I even wanted to take it because it was my choice but you made me do it.
There's people saying, "It's your life". But is it really my life? Because it seems to me that my father is making my choices for me. Yelling at me about making smart decisions when he's the one making them for me. So isn't he the one not making the smart decisions? Wouldn't it be his life?
{?/?/18}

I really don't know when I wrote this. I think it was last month, in october. This just popped up in my head that day. I didn't even write it down.
😜MizzyMommi😜