I used to close myself alot... Alot means alot. I almost never use to meet people for weeks and months.
Then there was a turn which I enheartenedly took. And that went well, I mean is doing great but sometimes I miss the old me, the homesick me, the one who used to be quiet and defensive all the time. The old me who never shared even a single thought with anyone or never ever dared to talk to a stranger.
I never used to compliment a random stranger on the train.
I've never even looked in anyone's eyes, because that made me feel nervous.
That made me feel as if I did something wrong, some kind of crime has been committed by me.
But it isn't like that, that's totally normal.
After a long time when this thought emerged I just thought of one thing. Will I be able to enjoy my life like this?
Obviously that made me feel bad about how I used to be but I seriously don't know that it was my comfort zone.
Many people asked me to step out of it, many did. But they never told me how, ya I got some suggestions like to try something new but is that so easy? Like how can I make my mind within a mins or so?
People gave great suggestions and advices and they know that, that it is not easy but still they feel they can at least try and help me by saying a few good words. Which might not mean anything to me.
2 months back, again I went in my cocoon. As if my home were the only place left for me. I still feel suffocated but as if I can't help myself. But then I also know that I'm the only one who can heal myself.
Stepping in myself again,
reassembling my pieces,
and throw the shit out of me
and come back as a warrior
and not a survivor.
