HER HERO

innocent

When I'm triggered it is so very hard to have self-control, I'm doing the actions, it is my behavior but it's as if the gas peddle got stuck down and in that acceleration, in that momentum, the steering wheel gets all jammed up too. It's all fight or fights and it's so disappointingly primitive but I can't override it unless I have a friend to help me, to guide, to release that emotional pressure so that I can take back the steering and make good choices. Without someone to love me, to switch my higher brain back on, I'm temporarily stupid.

It is human to feel the light and the dark. It is human to have a full range of emotions - a full "tool kit." All those feelings are normal and useful depending on the situations we find ourselves in. We evolved to have them all, we just have to know when it is appropriate to use them and what to do with unwanted feelings of anger or negativity. For the most part, we just need to run it out - sometimes literally. We evolved to move, to get physically tired almost daily. There isn't anything wrong with being human and there's a whole lot that's right about it.

Humans are weird creatures. They search for perfection in others, although there's no perfection in them. We sit around judging people simply because of one poor judgment or choice. Their interest in the same sex. Not being the right kind of shape or color. Or a tragic outcome of a family affair. The point is that it's not our place to judge. But we do. When you point at a person, five fingers are pointing back at you, There will always be something shameful in the eyes of society. We judge to feel superior, to feel good about ourselves. Oh, she did this, which is not as bad as what I did. It seems as though what we did isn't bad anymore. Someone does something much worse and it seems to completely erase what you have done. That's what we do, whether we are aware of it or not. For the reason that we are human. Sugarcoating things have become second-nature to us. We blind ourselves from the truth in order to allow ourselves to believe we are doing right.

The day we grasp the idea that life exists for exploration and infinity will be the day the human race grow up into something huge and massive and you watch us run, as we spread across the universe. I am sitting in one of the bleachers at the school field. I watch Merrick try out with his some of the football team including Jasper with his ravishing look. Merrick waved me over from afar to show off his skills in playing football.

Jasper sits next to me, drinking his tumbler asking for a break from his coach. Both of his eyes narrowed because of the sunlight.

''It looks like you have no intention of entering your class again,'' He said without throwing a glance.

''It doesn't reflect on you to mind other people's lives.'' I rolled my eyes.

We were just both looking at the field. 'What is Embry doing now?''

''I will not get blue because I know she has her own purpose.'' He added, shifting his face rightward slowly.

My phone rings and dug out of my pocket. It's her. So I ended up answering it while his boyfriend sits next to me.

''Hey!'' She greeted so lively on the video call.

''Hey, what's up?''

''Wait, is that Jasper?'' He noticed the guy next to me. ''Hey, babe!''

''Hi, just wait a second my coach calls me.'' He muttered.

I was left chatting with my best friend since Jasper can't talk to her because he is occupied with his football practice.

''So how's Jasper, do any girls chatting him up?'' She asked.

''Nuh, he has balls. Don't worry he's not a jerk.'' I mumbled and seems unmindful of her saying.

The most part of our friendship is I know how it was estimated that your soul reaches out to make the eternal bond of real friendship. For friendship is love and it must have a foundation of trust. So when you take that leap of trust and come to me, that's when the good stuff begins, right there in the pain and misery. I spent my life learning how to safely remove the dagger from my heart, only to find that upon the final healing stitch that it had been implanted in between my shoulder blades. I had embraced a friend yet was always seen as a foe. The bond I assumed was there, was not. And soon one finds that things that hurt too much, soon don't hurt at all. What was warm becomes cold.