HER HERO

don't get hard on yourself

I slink off to the bed. Wherever I close my eyes, he is the one appearing in my dreams and reverie. I shouldn't be like this. He's in a relationship with my best friend Embry. I open my Instagram and saw a new post. They're having dinner right now. It was totally awry. My dad knocks the door and told me that dinner is ready. These past few months, Jasper there is so much to admire, but your raw honesty is the best part. I love how your words spill out real slow as if the truth can take its time. It's as if there is a force behind them, yet the kind that is respectful and quiet - a determination that's observant and patient.

I was having dinner with my parents. Holding onto the best part of yourself, keeping that real, yet pushing onward as you do, that's admirable. So many think they have done what you do, or are how you are, yet they delude themselves. Love became their mask and coldness became their real self, perhaps they never noticed the shift happen. You, however, don't use masks at all. Not to yourself. I had no idea how it was to be.

I went up to school and eating lunch. I found myself alone. Riggs and Jago's brother weren't there. It was crowd students during break. My eyes stance to my back where Jasper is having time with his girlfriend. He demanded every ounce of our being and then a little bit more. But what he gave in return was almost superhuman. I am the same, different as we are. So between us, this is real because we are real to ourselves, honest with ourselves.

They start heading off. The time came when two of us bestowed to get away from each other. We don't have a chance to tell what we did on the day. I know it shouldn't be or maybe he's just a cool guy wanting everyone to be ecstatic. I saw him left the room and bypass me.

Merrick sits right next to me. Bradford was making fun with our teacher during our class. It's fun to be with them. But something's missing.

''Embry's here now. And Jasper would get busy with his girlfriend. Aren't you jealous?'' Bradford teases me.

''Nuh, I think Sanders would love to spend the weekends spending her own dramas with her eluding Murry loathing rules.'' Merrick added.

I was trying to figure things out as Murry and Catherine visited my grandma Emani in canyon crest, and they will be gone for a week. My mom kissed me on the cheek before leaving. I was okay that it's like sitting in a room at night by yourself and feeling like this is eternity. It's like being in a place with a thousand people but feeling invisible to every one of them. Isolated from others.

But an unexpected visitor came up to my house. What is she doing here? She stood in the front door waiting for me to get her inside. She brought some Japanese food. I'm not a fan of Asian cuisines but I already ate some when Murry take me to a Japanese restaurant to their wedding anniversary celebration as a family. Just me and Catherine.

I made some soup, and offered it to her.

''You know what this Japanese food is so great! This is what I always like to have meal in Lacrosse because I have a Japanese teammate. She's sweet and nice. But sometimes weird.'' She say while preparing the food.

I ate the sashimi and onigiri or the rice Balls. It tastes good, and eating gobble.

''You know what I want to spend more with Jasper. And I hope there's no other girls who tries to flirt him while I'm gone. I know he's not because my best friend Sanders is there for me.'' She muttered.

''Yeah, he just made mango pie for mom on his birthday.'' I say in a smirker smirk.

''Oh how sweet,'' She dimpled smile.

By the hour, by the year, by the tear... that is how we measure the long shot. Win every battle you can. We go in expecting to win. Then, regardless of the outcome, we get back to work right away. Because the hours and years are the sum of moments. The tears are our broken hallelujahs. This path is generations long, so, settle in, rest when you have need.