ERASED

Just excuses

I woke up that morning on my own. The small clock in my bedside table marked it was already 8 in the morning, but there were no signs of Ezra. Not that I expected any.

Last night's eventualities shocked me to the point I couldn't bring myself to drift into sleep, even with all the alcohol drowning my blood. I couldn't stop picturing him whenever I closed my eyes. I couldn't stop venturing into the moment. Those short minutes in which I only existed for him and he only existed for me.

It scared me. I kept blaming what I was feeling to some wicked Stockholm syndrome, but I knew in my heart that wasn't the case. I didn't see him as my enemy, I barely ever saw him like that. Now all I saw was someone suffering as much as me, if not more.

But it was more than that. The way I kissed him and he kissed me, it woke something I had never felt before. Not even with David, who I thought I had loved. I had never felt that kind of rush out of a kiss, let alone one as tender as it had been. It was as if my whole body was on fire; not a hurting, destructive fire, but the energy that emanates from it, the warmth, the need to consume everything within reach.

I tossed around my bed. How could I be feeling such things for a man I barely even knew?

You know him enough to be sure that he is a good man.

Still, it didn't excuse the incessant need I had to just go over to his room in that second and demand him to keep on kissing me until we tire ourselves out.

I rubbed my face, thinking about just how stupid that would be.

Stupid but rewarding.

"Ugh!" I complained to myself. I was really losing what little was left of my mind.

This had never happened to me. Men had never taken too much space inside my mind. Not even David; it had all been too easy with him, the dates, the kisses, even the fights!

The thing with Ezra was twisted, it was complicated, it was absolutely wrong. But it also was intoxicating... it was tender but at the same time raw, it warmed my whole body but made me shiver, it troubled me to the point I wasn't sure if I wanted him as far away as possible or as close as our bodies could manage. And I had no idea where all that had come from.

Was it that I was so lonely my mind was really playing me? Or was it the way he took care of me, with so much concern. The way he pretended to be pissed at me, but gave away himself when his eyes scanned my body. Was it his green eyes when he looked so nervous and hesitant I couldn't really comprehend this was the same guy who I believed could scare a whole group of men with just one of his glares?

I wasn't aware of just how fascinated I had been about him until now. I had pushed it all to the back of my mind. But after last night, everything I kept putting away, had come back to haunt me. After I tasted his lips and felt his strong fingers around my body, I knew I couldn't go back. At least a huge part of me didn't want to.

You should be focusing on leaving this place! Not about the taste of his sweet plump lips!

That voice of reason was right. Even if his lips were the very best thing I had ever tasted in my life, I was still trapped inside this shit hole. I couldn't succumb into this kind of distraction!

Sweet distraction...

Grunting, I jumped out of bed. I was not gonna spend one more second thinking about that man... or his lips for that matter. I swore I wasn't.

I strolled myself to the door and pulled it open. I was so focused on stopping my mind from thinking about Ezra that I hadn't even considered the option of finding him right there in the living room.