Won and Sold (Finnick Odair Love Story)

Chapter Fourteen

A/N hello. I realize how shitty the last few chapters have been, and how much I haven't been updating, and I'm losing comments, votes, and views. I'm so extremely sorry about not updating and I have excuses; finals, school, storms knocking out electricity, track, cross country, band, and family problems. But those are bad excuses, I didn't update when I said I would and that makes me feel like such a bad person and I'm really sorry. But here's fourteen for you. By the way if you want me to change something, tell me and I'll try to, okay? All feedback is so welcome and I love all of you. Thank you for reading.

Bohemian Royal

Maybe this is all just a bad dream. Jax is completely fine, maybe I'm still a kid and this is a bad dream. Maybe it's a nightmare. Maybe Jonic is still alive and I'm not a victor. Maybe I never met Puma or Sirbia. Maybe I've never kissed Finnick. Maybe Jax is still laying in the room next to mine and I'm about to go to him because of this nightmare.

Maybe that isn't the case. Maybe I'm really sobbing for the first time since Jonic died. Maybe I just bruised my knees collapsing to the ground. Maybe I did put my best friend in the hospital. Maybe I overreacted and beat up Brutus. Maybe Seneca Crane did really do what he did to me. Maybe I am a forced prostitute. Maybe I have won so I'm sold. I'm won and sold.

Or maybe I'm overreacting again, letting my mind take the best of me and I'm dreaming about maybes, dreams, and nightmares.

When I was little my mother always said 'Bo dreams do come true eventually'.

And I got what I dreamed about, I'm out of the games for life, I'm never hungry, I have a wonderful guy looking after me.

But what she forgot to mention was that nightmares are dreams too.
And I guess most of my nightmares have come true as well.

Jonic died in the games, I was sent in the games, Jax died in the games.

But the only nightmare that hasn't come true is me losing myself.
And I haven't lost myself. I'm still Bohemian Royal, short, sassy, pale, and afraid.

And those things won't change, because that is who I am. And though I may lose people close to me, I may push people away, and I may be knocked down by people and their words. I can still stand back up and fight. I won't lose myself.

I buried my face into my hands, my knees on the floor, my chest against my knees, sobbing.

Why couldn't it have been me? I'm always the one that never gets hurt enough. I'm always the one who gets stuck with the guilt.

Someone grabbed me, hugging me to them.
"Bohemian I know." They said, burying their face into my hair.

"Why?" I sobbed "Why him?"

They squeezed me tighter, this can't be Sirbia, she knows I hate being touched, Puma wouldn't hug me this tight, Johanna doesn't like being touched much either, this must be Finnick.

"Honey I know." he whispered "Trust me I know."

"I know how it's not fair that it was him, not fair to you, your mother, or his child, but sweetie aren't you glad that he wouldn't have had to bed up like us? Selling our bodies so they won't kill our families? Screaming ourselves awake? Fighting off unwanted lovers? Never quite the same people we used to be?" he asked

I sniffed, nodding "I just wish it was me rather than him."

He hugged me tighter, constricting my breathing.

"Don't you ever say that." He said "Don't you ever. You are here for a reason and should never think like that."

I nodded again "Okay."

He pulled back slightly, wiping up my eyes with the pads of his thumbs.

"I'll get you through this okay?"

I nodded "Okay."