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love.

it's been a while since i've updated this story. so, i'd like to start off and say i kind of forgot i even published this story. anyways, let's get onto this sappy, angsty entry in my online diary.

so, i finally experienced loving someone yet again. yep, i have a crush on someone.

i've fallen in love with the idea of him and i. i like him but he'll never know that because i'm afraid of losing him. he is so kind and thoughtful towards me and i guess that's why i feel this way towards him. but the worst part is that he'll never feel the same way i feel about him. love is a beautiful concept, but it can also wreck you, physically and emotionally. i care about him so much that i would never want to let him go.  he's one of those people who are so sweet. that's what i love about him. i don't care about his looks, all i care about is the way he treats me. honestly, i'm only talking about this on here because i need to rant about this without anyone knowing who i am or who this person i'm talking about is. i guess i'm in love with someone who doesn't know the way i feel about him. he's so ethereal that it makes me wonder if this is all a dream. i miss his curly, dark brown hair, his humor. it just pains me that if i tell him, he won't see me he same way.
it's both a blessing and curse to be able to feel emotions. he always cheers me up when i am down and that's what i love about him. maybe it's because he's trying to be a good friend? all i know is it could never be romantic feelings for me. im fine, im alright, i've had my heart broken too many times at this point, so i'm used to feeling this way. we once were strangers but if it wasn't for his younger brother, we probably would've never met. he's changed my life in such a positive way but also making me feel so lovesick. but they say everything happens for a reason. i need to stop falling in love with people so easily. i've already had too many crushes this year. i know they're all such beautiful and wonderful humans but sometimes i wish they weren't so then i wouldn't fall for them. anyways, thank you for reading this book and i'm sorry for ranting about my love life, it's just i needed to out of desperation to just let my feelings all out.

"when i first met you, i honestly didn't know you were gonna be this important to me."

-signing off for now, sammy.

[sammy is not my real name, i'm just using it as a pseudonym]

and lofi hip hop is amazing for anything, i heavily recommend it.