Our Story (A Joe Sugg fanfic)

This Is It | chapter 19

Maddie's POV

"We're home!" Joe and Caspar yelled out to no one in particular.

I felt my whole body relax. I honestly thought it would be Ryan trying to mess with me again. I'm not stupid, I know that the 'unknown' number was Ryan. Although, what on Earth does he want?!

I heard footsteps coming my way and I tried my best to act normal instead of the paranoid state I'm in.

"Oh hey, we brought some food!" Joe said with a cheeky grin. I don't even know what I would do without him.

"Thanks," I replied, smiling.

I opened the paper bag and took out the food. After heating them up, I grabbed a coke from the fridge and ate my meal.

Caspar and Joe came back soon after I ate my third bite.

"So, what did you do without us?" Caspar asked.

"I finished some work," I replied. I hated lying but technically I wasn't.

I really don't know why I don't want Joe - or anyone on that note - to find out about my book. Maybe because I don't want them to find out about my past? But I really need to talk to someone. However with all the events that has happened to me in the past, it's not surprising to say I have trust issues.

"Oh, well I'm just gonna film my video for SUGGSUNDAY," Joe announced. I nodded my head and he went towards the guest room.

"Umm, I also need to film," Caspar said after Joe left. I nodded to him too.

Once finally finished my meal, I felt like a balloon on the verge of popping.

I put the plate away and headed towards the bathroom. After looking through all the utensils (I like doing that, don't ask) my eyes landed on something that they probably shouldn't have.

My eyes landed on my blades that I haven't used in a while now.

I took them and grasped them in my hands. Sitting down on the floor, I remembered all the horrible things people have called me.

You're a worthless piece of shit.

Have you ever heard of a diet? A salad?

Whoa, even makeup won't help you with that face!

I looked at my blade and decided to try it again. Grasping it firmly with my right hand, I proceeded to cut my left arm several times. After watching the blood run out like a fountain, I felt relieved. As if all my problems ran away with the blood, but that's not the truth. I needed someone to talk to.

I looked at the mess I made and cleaned it all up. Quickly treating my arms with water, I hid them behind my back and ran to the guestroom. Thankfully, Joe wasn't there so I quickly changed my shirt and opened my laptop.

Usually, when I feel like shit, I like to talk about it. And since I've never had any friends, I use my laptop.

I opened a new document naming it, Diary? since I wasn't really sure what it was.

》》》》》》(document writing)

Well, that's it. Lots of things have happened and I feel the need to write them down.

First thing is the book I'm trying to write. I've told Joe that I came here to write but I never told him about what. I've had an aweful past, and I know many have it worse, but many people suggested I write a book about that. And since I don't have any ideas, I agreed.

I've written a few pages till now but none that I like. I don't have any other interesting topics to write about amd I'm not creative.

Till now, I haven't told anyone about my past and that's why I'm not showing Joe the book. I don't want him to know about my past.

Another thing that's happened is that I've cut again. I know, I've been clean for so long but I couldn't bare it anymore. All of a sudden, all of my bad memories came back again and cutting was the only way to stop it.

Overall, I'm just really thankful for having Joe in my life, maybe I'll learn to trust him with these things :) I'm happy with what I've got for my book so far, but it's never too late to change the topic, eh? I'm just gonna stick to it till I have something else to write about. An-

》》》》》》》

I was interrupted at the end by Joe entering the room. By instinct, I saved the document and closed it.

"Oh, didn't know you were here," Joe said, smiling as usual.

"It's fine," I replied, smiling back.

I couldn't hold it in any longer so I texted Zoe.

Me: Hey, are you free? I need someone to talk to :(

She texted back immediately and that's how I know we're meant to be best friends. Seriously, of you don't text back immediately, then we can't be friends.

Zoe: Of course! Do you wanna come over?

Me: Yes please! I'll be there in 10.

I looked up at Joe and told him that I'm going over to Zoe's. He left the room, giving me some privacy to get dressed.

After finishing my routine, I ran towards the front door and yelled a 'see ya' so that they knew I'm gone.

***** (At Zoe's house)******

"Hey Maddie, I told Alfie to leave since you seemed very serious."

"I am," I said, and I started crying.

This is it, I'm gonna finally tell someone. I cant do this, ill just wing it. No, I must.

This. Is. It.

Joe's POV

Maddie is always on her laptop and I'm a curious person so I have to find out! I mean, she's declining party invites and I can tell something is terribly wrong.

I walked to the room and spotted her laptop.

Opening it, I was relieved that it didn't request a password.

The desktop was filled with numerous documents and folders. There was no way I could find whatever she was working on so I went to the 'recent documents' and found three:

Diary?

Story Draft 2

Story Draft 1

This. Is. It.