Maddie Eaton||Just call me stiff

The light in my darkness

A/N most of this chapter is a flashback. When it is italics it is the flashback.

TWO||THE LIGHT IN MY DARKNESS

What should I chose? Will I make it through initiation? Will I become factionless? Will I fit in? Those questions and many more filled my head as I lay in bed that night. I still remembered very clearly the conversation I had with my brother when he was in my position two years ago.

"Maddie I'm staying here with you," Tobias said.

"If you stay, then I stay!" I said impatiently.

"I'm not leaving you with Marcus,"  Tobias argued.

"I can handle myself," I countered back.

We sat in a frustrated, but necessary silence. If we had continue any longer we would have gotten too loud, and Marcus would hear us.

"You chose a faction, and I will join you in two years," I said with a sigh.

"What if you don't like the faction I choose?" He questioned. His sudden attitude change slapping me in the face.

"You're going to leave, aren't you?" I choked, "You were going to even before we had this conversation."

Sadly, he nodded and made eye-contact with me, "Promise me you will choose a faction that you will be happy in," he looked up at me one last time then continued, "you will be my little sister no matter what either of us choose, when I don't come home tomorrow, pretend you didn't know. When the new academic year begins, accept a place at that fancy Erudite school. Try your best, and never give up."

I was on the verge of tears, he was leaving. It took only a few minutes for me to burst into tears. I didn't care that I was fourteen. I was about to lose my brother; the light in my darkness. He kissed my head one last time, before whispering, "be brave."

He chose dauntless I just know it, but I wasn't sure I would be able to make it through their initiation. Freya told me that around a year ago they changed the initiation and it was almost impossible to make it in. Erudite was where someone like me belonged, someone who loves books, someone who's top of the class, someone who's curious. But I don't want to be an Erudite.

The next morning when I woke up Tobias had already left with Marcus, so the house was empty. His words of yesterday ringing in my head, "be brave." I was going to need that. Slowly, I got out of bed and walked to his room. Left on his pillow was a note 

'Maddie, 

I'm not really sure what to write, so I just want to say that I will always love you.

Goodbyes aren't always forever

Tobias'

I picked up the letter, and let a tear roll down my cheek. He had left. It was the right choose though. Wasn't it?

I could belong in candor, I suppose. The truth is often better than lies, but I find it impossible to lie anyway.I either burst out laughing or fiddle with my fingers. But sometimes, only sometimes lying is the only option.

After school that evening, I decided that instead of catching the bus, I would run home. Tobias and I used to run home together occasionally, but we stopped traveling with each other once he reached high school. He was in grade 9 and I was in grade 7.

Once I stepped outside the building, I removed the hair band that tightly bound my hair and quickly removed my jumper, tying it round my waist. Running always made me feel free. The wind in my hair and the quietness of the city around me. I started running. The people around me flew past  me, not taking second looks. 

After around 10 minutes I reached the factionless sector. I have always been very cautious around this area. When I was little, I used to come with Natalie Prior and her children to give food and clothing to the factionless. When I started 4th grade I stopped attending community events. I haven't heard from her children since. Tobias used to hate community events. He never met the two prior children, and I don't think he ever will. When we were younger the boy, I think his name is Caleb, was always very caring and helpful, whereas the girl, I think her name is Beatrice, and I would mess around and have fun. Her mother never used to mind that much. I wish I had a mother like that.

Once I was through the factionless sector, I had to walk. If my father caught me running I would be in big trouble. Slowly I made my way to the door...

Amity is alright there are loads of little children and they seem so free. But I don't think I could deal with their constant cheerfulness. Maybe Amity isn't for me.

Inside the house my father sat, his arms crossed with  a belt across his lap.

"You're late," he said flatly. There was no point arguing. I glanced up at the clock to see I was 10 minutes late. He stood up and looked down on me as if I were a piece of dirt. I was quite short for my age, only just reaching 5'. Slowly, I took of my shirt and  bent over. The ever-scary belt fell down on my skin, causing me to wince in pain. 

"Count with me girl," He demanded, clearly getting pleasure out of abusing me.

The belt fell down again

"2," I murmured as I flinched.

"3."

Tears threatened to spill out my eyes

"4."

...

"45," I whimpered, tears finally rolling down my cheek.

The belt fell down for the 46th time, but all I could do was whimper. At around twenty had collapsed to the ground, at 30 it had got to screaming point. I had learnt from previous beatings that if I screamed the neighbours would come and then Marcus would get even more furious.

"I never told you to stop counting!" Marcus yelled whipping me harder. 

"46," I trembled before passing out.

Abnegation was not an option for me. As much as I enjoyed helping other people, I would be stuck with my monstrous father. If I stayed I wouldn't live for much longer.

I don't belong anywhere, yet I'm a divergent.