Falling down the rabbit hole

Not imporant (chapter 1)

Authors note thing (am I doing it right coz idek) ummmm ok

Let's go

This story is not based on anyone and is not a true story. In saying that I do look a lot like the way I describe Alice and I do suffer from depression and anxiety.

It feels weird telling you that because I don't really talk about it and I'm not really sure who (if anyone) is reading this.

Also this isn't much of a chapter, it's more of a intro I guess,

AND REALLY IMPORTANT: this story my course triggering and that is not my intention.

I am really just writing this story to let out some of my own feelings though a fictional character.

So um yeah anyway enjoy my 1st ever wattpad story kids and stay safe :)

I am sad.

I am unbelievable sad.

I can't think about anything else.

Just my sadness.

I live the sadness.

It controls me.

I am the sadness.

The sadness is me.

I have nothing left.

Only sadness.

I am unable to feel anything else but sadness.

...

So what? other people are sad too

So what's so important about me?

Well Nothing.

I'm not important.

I know I sound harsh on my self but, I'm really just not important. Look, before I say anything else, it is important that you know i do not hate myself, I mean really, I don't, why would I?

I have long legs, longish blond hair, deep blue eyes, tan skin.

(Thanks genetics) I guess this make me 'pretty'. I wouldn't say I see pretty when I look in a mirror. I am ok with how I look, I'm not 'pretty' but I'm not ugly either. I'm also quite skinny I guess (I can thank genetics for that too because I eat like a pig, or at least I used too).

I'm (well I think) intelligent and funny,

At least a little bit.

So what is there to hate? Nothing really so I don't hate my self. I mean really I don't.

"So why are you so sad!?"

Well I don't know, really I don't understand it any more than you do.

Ok so let me explain some more, let's start with talking about my mental disorder (god I hate calling it that) it's the most interesting thing about me to be honest.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression (god I hate saying that too). I was diagnosed over 2 years ago but was sad for about two or three months before I was diagnosed. It just took me a while to tell anyone how sad I felt. I did tell someone eventually. told my dad one day after school. I pulled up my school skirt to show him the scars on my upper leg. I then stayed home from school for about a week and my mum took me to the doctor, I filled out some sheets of paper and boom the doctor told us what I already knew: I had depression (I got anxiety attacks and started breaking down soon after that)

*****WE INTERRUPT THIS SAD STORY TO BRING YOU FUN FACTS ABOUT CATS*****

They are cute

They are better than dogs

They don't like the smell of citrus fruits (lemon, orange, grape fruit, etc)

They have spiky tongues

I like cats

Cats are soft (unless they're hairless cats but they are still cute as fck :3)

*****OK BACK TO THE STORY ^_^*****

Anxiety attacks are scary, I don't really know how to explain them, I just shake and scream a lot. I've only have a few big ones that have gotten me in hospital but I won't go into detail. They are hard to talk about. I have little ones all the time though, but mostly it's fine and doesn't last long. Fun fun fun isn't it, there isn't much else to it, I'm just sad. That's the only note worthy thing about me, I want to die and I have no idea why (Wow I'm a downer also that rhymed)

Anyway

I guess it's about time I told you my name... It's Alice.

I love my name

It's like Alice in wonderland. It's kind of funny I mean my life for the past 29 months is like I've fallen down a rabbit hole, but the difference is Alice from the book fell into wonderland and I fell into hell.

*****

Other things you should know about me is I am 15 and I have two older sisters and two older brothers so I'm the youngest (wow really Alice).

There is a pretty big age gap between me and the oldest, this means when I was born my parents had a 2 year old, a 10 year old, a 12 year old and a 14 year old so it goes with out saying they were very busy. This just means I was a very independent child. My parents still did a great job raising me and they loved my very much, I was just alone a lot more then most kids.

It's fine though really. I like being alone. Well I do now and when I was really little I did too but from about the ages of 7-11 I hated it, I was outgoing and happy and loud and all those things back then. I had lots friends. Well I have lots of friends now. Lots of great friends even but the difference is the friends I had then knew me the real me and the friends I have now well they still know me but they don't know everything and it's more like I like them and they like what they think is me but they are not my friends, there is just a mural liking between us and I just realised I'm rambling on now about nothing, well I mean it's something, and nothing is something anyway but you know what I mean right? Of course you do. Right? Ugh, what ever. I'm doing it again, damn.

Yeah I did it. I wrote a chapter :)

How was it? Okish I hopeee.

I tried not to take it to seriously. Also the cat bit happened because I was having a hard time writing that bit so I starting writing about cats because cats calm me down.

Anyway thanks to zombiimeeka for helping me edit :) she's damn cool.

So byeeee kids

ILY

Stay safe

~

Allmostlucy