All's Fair in Love and Business: Xavier's Story

Ch. 28

    The plane ride home was uneventful, but the night before we left was anything but. We spent the entire day in bed making love and talking. I can't remember a time when I laughed so much. He told me about how he met Eva and his ploy to annoy Ruxin. How he had come to love her and they've become so close. I told him about helping build the agency with Liz and Aaron. How I never met anyone I care to talk about and what I wanted for our future together. Then it started....The talk about our futures and we didn't see it the same way. We argued, we tried to negotiate in the end we couldn't agree.

We walk to Xaviers car still not speaking to each other. He opens the door for me and I climb in and slide over as he comes in after me. I bite my tongue wanting to tell the driver my address just incase Xavier has other ideas, but even if he does I can always call for a car to take me home. At this point we are at a total impasse in our relationship. It seems to me that we continually circle the drain. We go around and around and we just cant seem to get it right. Our past together has nothing to do with it, that much I've learned. Its all about who we are now. I want to have a career, I like what I do. I want to work with my friends and build our company even more. We've discussed opening up another high profile agency in Florida and California. I need to be a part of that, we've worked so hard.

Xavier, either doesn't care or it just simply clashes with his wants, I can't determine which. He would like to marry, something I would also like...However, the marriage he wants is not want I want. He insists on children right away and I can understand that. We are getting older, but we are certainly not going to be sterile if we wait a couple years. He would also like me to stay home with our kids. Again, I do see the benefits of this argument and I agree with him. The place that I will not budge on is when to start having kids. I won't be ready for at least another 3 years, and depending on our company success. That might be extended to 5 or 6 years. When I mentioned this to him it was like I gut him with a knife. Seeing his hurt and disappointment was an eye opener for the both of us.

We love each other, deeply. Thats all we have and unfortunately its not enough. Our wants and needs in life are different. The stages in which we find ourselves are not in sync with one another and we need to walk away. Its painful, it hurts but I want him to be happy. There is a sense of closure between us already. It feels so final, it takes everything in me to be able to just breathe without melting down into a pile of tears.

We're both to blame, we should've been upfront from the beginning. It was just so good to be back with him, to know he still loved me like I did him. We would've been good together, if only it had been another time, if only we had stayed together, everything might've been different.

I watch the city pass and determine we're going to drop him off first. His apartment is only a block away. I want to tell him, I'm sorry, but I don't trust my voice. I've made it this long I can make it until I get home. That reminds me of my house key and decide I will just have the locks changed. Not that I think Xavier will care to come into my home anytime soon, but I'd rather rip the bandaid off, if its over. I want the Xavier chapter closed completely. I hung onto him too long the first time, I wont make the same mistake twice.

The car stops and he opens his door, without a word he leaves and it shuts again. My heart is pounding or breaking I can't decide which, the tears threaten to fall and I frantically blink them away. Taking a few deep breaths and holding myself perfectly still until the driver gets behind the wheel.

"Where's Joe?" I ask, my voice a little strained.

"I'm just filling in for him today. His kid had a game of some kind." He answers.

I smile, "Thats nice." Joe was always very invested in his son and his love of sports. "Do you know where I live?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Mr. Sterling wanted me to give you this." He says, turning in his seat. He holds out a key and I reach for it hesitantly and take it from him.

"Thank you." I reply, softly. I look at the key as we pull into traffic, Its my house key. I open my own purse and take out my key ring. I slide his house key off the ring and hold it in my hand.

    I knew this would happen. I slip off his engagement ring as well and hold them both in my hand. I look out the window, noticing the sun shining. It is such a contrast to what I'm feeling its almost laughable. By the time we pull into my driveway I'm feeling so broken and lost. I take my purse and open the door, the driver grabs my suitcase from the trunk and I pull up the handle.

"Thank you." I tell him and walk to the house.

I drop off my bag and close the door, locking it. I walk to my car and leave, driving to Xaviers house in a fog. I open the door and go to his office. A place I know he wont let any designer or work crew touch. I place the engagement ring on his keyboard and walk back to the front door.

    I open the door and walk through it, breathing deeply. I turn lock the dead bolt and slide the key under the door. Holding myself together I start my car and drive home. As soon as I open the door I collapse on the floor, letting myself feel everything.