tainted notes | btsvelvet

ii. lost my way; joyjin

SOOYOUNG immediately wake up from a nightmare and couldn't move a single limb where the scene of herself crying helplessly with a man in her arms, her white dress is tainted with his blood and she's screaming his name thousand times, keeps on replaying on her mind the moment she opened her eyes.

This is the first time Sooyoung had a dream. Well, this is the first time she remembers the dream itself. And now when she does, it had to be a nightmare.

But the thing is, the face of the guy is blurred. And the name. His name. Sooyoung swear that she clearly remember the name of that guy on her dream but the moment she woke up, she don't know what happened and she already forgot it.

With a trembling hands, she gets up from her bed and went to the kitchen. Her throat is dry and she's desperate for water, like she just have been for a long run.

The guy from her dream. The blood. And the image of her while crying and screaming his name.

"Who is he?" She mumbled while seriously looking at the glass she's holding, seeing her reflection.

***

"Yah, Park Sooyoung. Are you okay?"

Lost in the abyss of her thoughts, Sooyoung didn't even realized that her Brother, Jimin is talking to her. That's why when he snapped his fingers infront of her face, she startled.

"Huh? Why??"

Jimin stared at her for awhile before he touched her forehead using the back of his hand, checking her temperature.

"You're not sick. Then what's the matter?"

Sooyoung just heaved a sigh and rested her head on the table before closing her eyes. "I didn't get enough sleep because I had a bad dream." And then she yawned. She badly want to go back into her bed and just lay down there.

"Hey, you're infront of the food." Jimin shakes her shoulder because of her disrespectful manner. She obliged with her half lidded eyes before sitting up straight and grunted.

"Can I just ditch School today? Just today, Oppa. Pleaseeeee~" She frustratedly said before pouting her lips just to convince her Brother by acting cute.

Jimin just rolled his eyes to her and give her a facepalm. "Try harder."

She forcefully dragged her feet and walk like a Zombie. That's why when they both arrived to the University, her whole face was distorted that even Picasso can't paint her perfectly.

***

From a calm tone of Hello? Let's talk. To a frustratedly curious of Why are you doing this to me??

And now. "The fuck is wrong with you?!" Sooyoung grunted to the person from the other line.

Feeling dizzy because of the lack of sleep plus the stress she's experiencing right now because of the same sticky note she received weeks ago from White Day, makes her more irritated and frustrated.

"..."

She let out a heavy sigh out of frustration and rested the side of her head on the cubicle when this person in the other line is still not talking to her.

"You can't just leave a sticky note on my locker with your cellphone number, saying you want someone to talk to because you're feeling alone and you just want to die. Don't put the responsibility on my shoulders!" She can't help it but to be mad because of this selfish person behind of this, clearly dragging her in his own problems. And the fact that she didn't know whether this man is serious or he's just making fun of her, added to her frustration more.

Tears already flowing from her eyes especially when the nightmare she had last night suddenly replays on her mind after reading the sticky note. The dream is still vivid in her memory.

"Sorry for making you cry."

Sooyoung silently gasped when she heard the voice from the owner of the sticky notes she received, for the first time. So, it's true. It is the same guy she saw weeks ago infront of her locker. He's the one who keeps on sticking those sticky notes there.

"Just think that I'm just using you as my escaping route from all the bull and shits that's happening to my life." He continued.

She heard different kinds of noises but the loud bickering stands out the most on his background but she ignored it.

She wiped her tears and smirked. "Dude, I didn't ditched all of my classes today just to shoulder all of your burdens too. You're not the only one who suffers from hell that life put you through." This man is a pure selfish jerk for making her dragged in his mess.

"Then help me."

"Help you from what?!"

"Help me saving myself. Help me find my way out because I'm lost in this chaos world."

Silence followed. No one dares to speak and just the sound of their breathing is the only thing that they hearing. The silence had grown longer and longer turning the atmosphere into weariness.

Minutes passed, he cleared his throat but Sooyoung is still lost in her own thoughts.

"Hey. Are you still–."

"You're unfair. You're fucking unfair. I don't even know you and then you're giving me a special mission to save you? From what? From death?! And then what if I failed? What do you think I will feel knowing that I could help someone from dying but ends up failing?!" Sooyoung doesn't even care if someone might hear what she's saying. All she wanted right now is to punch the guy she's talking to just to wake him up from his madness.

"You can save me. I have faith in you."

"I'm not a Superhero." She don't have any idea how to deal with people who's suffering from depression. How come he's so sure that she can actually save him from the brink of death?

"You'll be a Superhero once you saved me."

"You're just making me feel worse, to be honest." She don't know what to do. Afterall, it is so simple to reject his favor and go on on her life as if she haven't received any weird notes somewhere and then forget that she had this conversation. But then again, her conscience will eaten her up alive knowing that she can actually help someone if she'll just take the risk.

He chuckled because of her remark. Tapping her right foot and chewing her lower lip out of nervousness, Sooyoung already decided.

"I'll help you. But in one condition."

"What is it?"

"I'll help you personally. That means, no more sticky notes. I'll listen and talk to you face to face."

"Okay, deal."