Internal Suffering

Smokes

I whimpered at the thought that was flowing through my head... I just had to...

I raised the bone attack above the sleeping dog couple and killed them instantly. 

I felt stronger as my LV went up two levels... I had gotten some G too... 

No! This wasn't about getting G... It's about saving everyone... Making sure that the kid won't hurt them...

I hurried away from them, going to Lesser and Greater Dog. They were barking happily with each other, when they saw me. 

They tried to talk with me, but I didn't listen... Instead, I attacked them... I killed them easily as I wasn't the weak monster everyone thought I was. 

I killed them all... Then came my brother...

"Sans... Blueberry! What are you doing!" He called out, fear in his eyes...

I whimpered at what I had to do next... I didn't want to! I really didn't! 

"I-I'm sorry... I-I... T-there's n-no other w-way..." I whimpered to my self, summoning my Gaster Blasters. 

"B-Blue-"

"Good bye, Papyrus..." I whispered, spiking the ground, BLUING his soul and firing the mass weapons of distruction. 

My brother dusted instantly... He never stood a chance with his HP...

I fell to my knees, tears falling down my face... I wasn't going insane... It's just... I tried everything! But they always win!

"Hehe~ Oh, Sansy~" The demon's voice purred, their cold hand on my skull. "Why did you do that? Do you love me that much?" 

I knew what love they meant... They meant the type of love I want... I wanted to be cared for... To be treated equally... To care for ones well being... She wanted me to actually love her...

"No..." I stated, my voice distant and cold... It was harsh was well... It wasn't my voice... But it was something else.  "I don't love you... I just L.O.V.E you." I giggled softly, instantly putting them into a fight. 

Frisk growled at me, her eyes shone with anger and fear. Good~ They should be afraid of me now~

We fought for hours until I was able to make them run! I laughed at them! They were so weak! And I was so... strong...

I fell to my knees, gripping my head... My actions... My words... My thought belief...

"No... No... No! I'm not like them! Make it stop! Ink, please make it stop! Error, just destory us already!" I shouted, no screamed!

How could I have done this! To my friends! To my brother! 

I curled into a ball, crying loudly... I couldn't stop crying... The snow sunk into my bones... Freezing me...I didn't care... Maybe if I died...

"Oh, Sansy~" The demon purred. They must've found some food. "Already giving up?

I nodded, tears in my eyes as the cold became part of me... I whimpered and whined as they human just picked me up and carried me somewhere... I didn't bother on trying to figure that out. 

I was placed on cold solid ground, making me look to where I was... Oh... The shack...

"Don't worry, you'll love it here~" She purred, stripping me of my clothes. 

I didn't fight. I didn't do anything while she forced something into my mouth. They were pills for heat...

I didn't care... I didn't care as she hurt me... And she did whatever to get a sign that I was still alive... 

But I wasn't... I killed my friends... Family... For what? A worthless brat? 

I felt something stick in me. I looked down, it was her knife... It had broke to my soul... My body was so cold, that I didn't even feel the blade... 

"Maybe next time, you'll moan." She hissed, cutting off my head. 

I jolted up, panting out in fear. I was in my room... Nothing out of place... 

I shook my head trying to remember how I got there... Oh yeah... I fell asleep in Dust's lap... Either he or Papyrus brought me up here...

Glancing at the clock I saw it was ten at night... That was... The longest I've ever slept... Nearly nine hours...

I felt my bones... Cold... 

The fourth time they RESETED... I lost it... I killed everyone... I still feel gulity... I still feel bad... My cold bones are the only sign of it... The only sign... But everyone's use to my cold body...

I sighed as I crawled out of bed and went to my dresser. They didn't change me... That I'm thankful for... I didn't want them to see my bones...

I opened one of my drawers and saw what I wanted instantly... The pack of cigarettes... 

I sighed softly, pulling them out. I tucked the pack in my scarf before I opened my window and climbed onto the roof. 

The cold wind tried to make me go back inside, but it didn't bother me. After so many RESETS... I've become numb to some things... Just... Just not everything...

I pulled one out and used a small bit of my magic to light it. I breathed in the dangerous smoke... Letting the fumes go inside of me before I breathed it out. 

I sighed, the smoke dancing at my breathe. I took another drag... The cigarettes helped me stay calm... Keep me sane... That's what I needed... Sanity... Or should I say Sansity. 

I chuckled at my bad pun. Yet, making small jokes, even to myself... It was starting to become more frequent... I think I'm going to lose it soon... One more RESET... That's all it will take... Just one more...

By the time I had become relaxed again, I had smoked out half of the pack... Guess I needed to snatch some more of Paps... He doesn't even know what I use them for...