Last (Harry Styles)

Eleven

After not speaking to Harry for a week, I'm regretting that pretty amazing kiss. I found myself longing for that kiss the next couple of days, but now I dont at all.

Now, I wish I wouldn't have kissed him, seeing how he left me high and dry.

1) I walk to school every day now.

2) Mandy and I still haven't talked because I don't know how to approach the subject & Harry isn't here to help.

3) He'll look at me in English and it's such a look I've never seen before, on anybody that it's almost scary.

I decided to take a shower, and maybe go visit my mother's grave.

I have been missing her a lot, a little more than usual these days, and once again, I don't have Mandy or Harry to talk to.

'You're alone.' My bitch of a self conscious says to me. 'Just face the fact. Your mother is gone, your father cares to an extent. Hell, your best friend and new friend left you high and dry.'

You see, major bitch.

I took a shower, except it was more of the water hitting my back while I quietly sobbed for about an hour.

I threw on my mother's favorite 'Be you.' hoodie, some ripped faded blue jeans, and my TOMS.

I threw my hair into a messy side braid, and found really no point in applying make up, so I grabbed my wallet and walked to the closest Vons.

I bought pink carnations, my mother's favorite for $3.99 and a small blue teddy bear that says 'Forever' on his stomach.

The walk to the cemetery is about an hour, I'll spend an hour there, and another hour walking back: 3 hours.

I knew I wouldn't be hungry, seeing how I'd be talking to my mother except, through her beautiful, glossy gray grave.

I quickly grabbed a bag of chips, and paid for them. Whether I'm hungry or not, I'm going to eat these chips on my way home.

I got to the cemetery, and walked directly down, hung a left, and yes. There was her grave, and a spot next to her, saved for my father.

I sat cross legged, and looked at the picture of her on the stone. Short pixie cut, dark brown hair, eyes that are almost black, and such a beautiful smile.

"Hey mom." I whispered. "I miss you... more than words." I've barely said ten words, and tears are already spilling out of my eyes.

"You were amazing, I love you more than words, mom." I sniffled.

"Mandy and I are not friends.. at the moment." I added, mainly for myself. "And I kissed Harry, a very very attractive British boy. He has the most amazing emerald eyes, such perfect curls all through his brown hair, and he's so tall, mom." I laughed.

"His attitude is horrible, but I know you would like him, he's not your typical bad boy, from what I could tell anyway."

"Mom, I really miss you, and this is one of the high school times, where nobody knows what to say, except a mother." I sobbed.

"Well, mom, I will forever love you. You'll always be a woman I'll look up to. you taught me way more than needed as an eleven year old those eleven years you were here."

"I'll come visit you twice a week, now instead of once. You're important enough to see every day, but I could not do that, as much I'd love that."

I was quiet for a few moments, just staring at the grave.