↘i refuse to make amends↙

factories {highschool au}

there was this sickening feeling jamison had,

his chest were not only tightened with bandages now.
they were tightened with fear.

mako loved him.
mako, the gay man loved him
jamison, the man

they would kid around, make jokes about how mako would never make love with a woman. and mako loved jamison because
well, jamison was a boy.
he never lied exactly
LIAR LIAR LIAR 
he was one
on the inside.

he could hide his breasts, tape them down, contour his face and speak in crazy ways to make himself sound deeper. he did convince people he was just like any other normal teenage boy (somehow).

including mako.
he almost wished there was something mako noticed. his lack of of an adam's apple, his girly singing voice, his petite small hands or the vaguely notable curve in his waist his nail thin body could muster.

jamison ripped off his sleeveless homemade tank top and threw it on his bed. he couldn't bare the mirror when he did this. his eyes just meandered around the hardwood floor below him, trying to pretend nothing else existed but the splinters and the cut off patterns.

strange.
strange, he thought. with all the self absorbed comments he cracked, he would hope it would've been like, let's say, an egg. that when you smash it hard enough, you get a nice gooey yolk and white.
but he got nothing from his metaphorical egg. just a fake yolk you can't do anything with, no nutritional substance. no legit self esteem. just a broken shell of a confused kid

he went to the end of his bandage and started to unravel it. he was always quick to rip it off despite how much he hated his breast. physically it was so painful, his whole body just felt scrunched up and everything was so claustrophobic.

  his temporary relief was cut off by the weight on his chest hitting him in the face like his dad's smacks.
cold, hard, backhanded and really uncalled for
normally, he would just sigh it off and ignore it. but he couldn't today. he has to face the thing he hates the most in this world and show it off to the thing he loves the most

his true body and his boyfriend.

he was coming at 10. mako was never late, either. always on time no matter what and jamie hated and loved him for that. the old dog was out, and mako will be the one getting his keys and walking out the door if worst comes to worst. not jamison being shamefully thrown out of mako's house at 10 o'clock sobbing. you have to think ahead for things like this.

he wiped the tears already prickling at his eyes and went to his bra drawer. (aka; the worst drawer he has in his house) he pulled out a small link sports bra and pulled it over his head. made the emphasis so much worse

9:55 PM

he was going to be here any moment. he slumped on his bed and sighed.
shirt? no shirt? no shirt. this has to be obvious, for obvious reasons.
fuck.
he was exposed, though. he hated it so much and he hated seeing himself this vulnerable.
let alone mako

squishy 🐷💞: hey babe let me in.  outside rn

he replied back; you have a key, use it. im upstairs

he heard the door open, and the sound of his vans clanking against the hardwood downstairs.

"jamie?" his deep voice shook jamison from his borderline daze and he got up.

"babe!" his voice was almost strained. his heart felt swollen to unbelievable amounts and his ribs could be ripped open by its sheer beat at any moment. his hands shook crazily as out of impulse grabbed a thin blanket and stepped out from his room.

the man was already on the top floor, his bleach blonde hair tied up in a manbun and his bulky body being covered by his baggy light pink pig hoodie.

jamie has jokes planned. he did, really. he had ideas on how he was going to come out to mako.
one of them wasn't him withering up and becoming a sad, sad excuse for a person by sobbing hysterically.

he heard mako's words, he felt his skinny body curled up next to his soft one, he acknowledged his senses and that it was happening. but he couldn't speak, he couldn't do anything but shake and cry in his arms without any context or coherence.

"i'm so sorry, i lied, i've been a liar, tellen ya im a bloke and-"

"you're a boy, jamie." mako's fingers ran through jamie's spikes. "don't say you're not."

"I got the parts of a shelia, makey, i fit the role, i..im sorry, mako." he tried to move, but he was immobile due to his fear. "you had a right to know. "

"its your body, babe. i have no right to your body. i don't care really, anyway." mako reached his arms under jamie's back, picking him up.

"ya...ya don't?" jamie felt himself get together again, his sanity churned back into his brain. mako carried him to jamie's small little room and sat on the bed with him.

"you're still jamison, jamison. you're my baby boy."

jamie gripped his arms around mako's neck tight and placed a kiss on his lips, tasting him and feeling euphoric. not sexually; just that everything felt at peace.

mako went over to jamie's prostatic arm, startling jamie. he forgot it was late and time for bed. mako started to undo it, slipping it off for him and putting it by his bedtime lamp so jamie wouldn't forget it. he did the same with his right leg. jamie was slightly irked because he didn't wanna be patronized, but at the same time he loved how gentle he was. he loved how soft he could be despite being roughly over two and a half meters and he could snap jamie in half with ease. he was a marshmallow and it was beautiful.

"what are you using?"

jamison blinked, so dozed in thought about his man he forgot he was right there. "what?"

"bandages, jamie?"

"oh, to bind. yeah, yeah, the old dog..."

"so bandages. jamison, that can have you break ribs. we've touched on this in gsa, thank god." mako pulled out his phone.

"i can't buy one. i don't got money and my dad would rather die than call me jamison."

"gtlb is great, and you're a small, no doubt."

jamie knew what was going on, and he smiled and rested his head on mako's shoulder. mako smiled back and kissed his head, and went back scrolling through binders.

"black or nude?"

"black. thank you."

mako nodded. "i love you and you're gonna be a safe, real boy on my watch, alright?"

"with this binder, i'll be on me best behavior."