↘i refuse to make amends↙

bathroom problems

BRIGETTE WAS KNOWN for being strong; independent, and she was told before she broke down the barriers. In the highschool she was in she had to place a facade, however. She kept a secret that was nearly impossible to hide. All eyes were on her, and she was the only one who really critizied herself for heavy weight on her chest.The reason why is because nobody else knew.

 The struggles went from placing on a disguise everyday, wearing makeup and contouring away all the strong, sharp edges of her face. Shaving away all evidence of the person she didn't want to confront, and stuffing bras viscously and taping herself up.

 And it goes to the smaller, weird things you wouldn't get unless you were in the same situation. Like nearly pissing yourself in class because you don't want anyone to know who you were.

  The simple things kill you.

Like gendered bathrooms.

The girls here already gave double takes at her broad shoulders and masculine figure, and the rare, rare times where her dad came to pick her up and deadnamed her.

 Usually it was Reinheart, though; it wasn't like her dad didn't care. It was just hard for him to see a daughter in his son.

But right now she didn't care about that. She only cared about how much long would she have to wait until she could actually pee. The school wasn't ok with a boy in the girl’s bathroom. She was told she could be suspended for it, even. They didn't care. It was in the rulebook; the ancient rulebook that was begging to be updated. Thank god it was last period Study Hall.

 Of course she just smiled on, her anxieties being put at bay with Hana’s rambles. About her day, silly jokes, whatever popped in her brain seemed to come. She didn't block it out. She almost just zoned into it, being lost in her inflictions and tone changes.

 “Hey, Briggie?”

She snapped out, realizing that an actual conversation was going on rather than an ASMR. Also, her bladder nearly pulsating.

“Yeah, what is it Hana?” She adjusted herself, pulling down the sleeves to her hoodie and looked up. A half hazardous smile was placed on her face. She knew that her awkwardness was plainly visable.

 “Are you okay? Am I borning you?” She scooted closer, her hand moving closer to her own. Her thin fingers gently grazed her own, her thumb rubbing over the top of Brig’s hand. She almost shivered at the touch; it was so familiar, so soft yet so intimate.

 “No! Oh gosh no, you know I love your voice, Hana Banana!” She forced a small chuckle and pecked her cheek, and Hana gave a critical look. Scrunched up nose and puckered lips twisted to the side.

“You sure you’re okie dookie?” She wrapped her hand completely around her own now, squeezing gently.

 “Yeah, yeah!” She wasn't sure why she repeated herself. Just happened to happen, she just did. She took in a subtle deep breath. She was going to literally piss herself.

“I gotta go pee real quick, okay? I’ll be back.”

Hana smiled, and Brig scooted up and rasied her hand. Basic conversation between teacher and student, and a quick yes and the sign of a pass led to her shaking and heavy breathing.

 Nobody was here. Nobody was around. Nobody will see. Nobody, nobody, nobody.

 Simple signs, fuck, basic signs that have basic things that people should get and be able to register. Two basic stick figures; one with a barely passible triangle dress and one without.