Odd, Bold Fellows

Hideaway Giant

The giant finished his bottle and tossed it to smash against the stone wall as he issued a magnificent belch. Pog, son of the most celebrated warrior of the Blood Moon Clan, knew a war cry when he heard one. He bounced upon the table, then launched himself to the ceiling to assess the situation.

Dirk was a man of fair engagement. Adventuring placed shame on his family's name, he was told, but the man would not be accused of lawlessness. The mountainous man before Davenport was unarmed, and had not yet issued challenge, merely belligerence. "Do you yield, sir?"

The giant grasped Dirk's shield with both hands like a tiller and pulled hard to port, steering the adventurer into the wall like a steel-clad sack of potatoes.

K'chak stepped onto the table, then off the table, walking over it like a middling obstacle. His slender swords rotated with threatening whistles at his sides. The giant grasped a wood axe, holding the normally unwieldy weapon in his massive fist.

Pog almost ate the foot long centipede as it crawled over his long toes. Even as instinct compelled him to lick it into his mouth, he refrained from swallowing it. Knowing humans to have strange reactions to food, Pog crawled upside-down on all fours, his sneaky payload writhing within his three upper teeth.

K'chak and the giant rotated around the room, squaring off as they studied one another. The great centipede fell on the giant's shoulder. Detecting a hot pulse, the venomous creature bit warm skin. As the great man looked, the tall warrior moved in to chop past the axe.

The large bandit forgot his pain, and lifted his weapon, only to see it chopped through. Half an axe handle still in hand, the giant made a weak jab at K'chak's jaw, and sent the mighty warrior to the stone floor.

Pog fell to the table, round purple eyes trained on the huge ruffian. The other two party members groaned in defeat. All hope now rested upon the black goblin, who had precisely one idea.

The giant grinned ruefully at the goblin as he drew a dagger, hefting the small blade in hand. Everyone knew how best to kill a toad, including everyone in the room. Dirk and K'chak yelled out warning as the big thief launched the dagger toward Pog with an underhand toss.

As expected by all, the goblin licked the deadly blade out of the air. With a blue blur that extended briefly from Pog's mouth, the dagger hit the the giant's forehead by the pommel. The large man staggered as Pog hopped back on the table in horror. It was his first thrown dagger, and he had missed the rotation.

"Nobody is taking my gold!", snarled the enormous menace. "Especially some warty gobbo!" His heavy foot falls brought him closer as he gave his opponent the solution to his own defeat.

Pog quickly licked a small tonguefull of gold coins and opened fire, sending a staccato of yellow hail into the giant's face. The assault stayed the brute, pummeling his head, until Pog was out of ammunition. The giant's countenance had a couple dozen injuries all told.

The brute yet glared, but held his left arm. With growing concern, he realized he could no longer move it. The centipede's venom was running its traces within the large man's veins. With a growing look of panic, he took a knee, then fell to his side.

Dirk recovered first, though his left arm was broken. K'chak seemed unsteady when he rose. Three bandits had survived the assault, and were gathered in bindings to be dealt with.

The adventures sat at the table, Dirk's arm in a sling, breastplate on the floor. He used one hand to hold a small book flat upon the ruined grain. His last copy had been easier to manage, and the new parchment vexed him still. "Fair engagement says they go to the closest kingdom executor. I guess that's your mother, Pog."

K'chak hummed deeply in his chest, then mumbled through his bruised jaw, "That would be a war crime, I think."

Pog did not gratify the remark. His comrades never knew when he was glaring at them. He had a thought, but he hated the joke that went with it. The goblin built his skirl even as Dirk made his jab, "Let's hear what the Frog Prince has to say!"

They thought themselves clever, but Pog feared the day an ugly human decided to test the fairy tale with a kiss. Still, he had the answer. Blood spattered the table before him as he flexed his sliced tongue. "We punish theft by removing the great toe."

Dirk and K'chak lost all humor. The party's leader shook his head. "The Empire prefers imprisonment to dismemberment."

Pog was insulted. "If one truly deserves captivity, he serves best as fertilizer. No, I think your idea is horrid. Better they be inconvenienced for a few weeks until it grows back."

"But Pog!" K'chak seemed terrified. "Our toes do not grow back!"

Pog shifted to roll a hind foot at the joint dismissively. "So? Why didn't they hide in the Empire? They obviously agree with my people's standards, or they wouldn't have squatted on mother's pad!"

The goblin held his skirl as his companions considered Pog's logic. Dirk closed the book, careful of his injury. "Thank you for talking that through with us, sir. I think you should mete out this justice yourself."

Pog collected six toes, and the party suffered the hobbled bandits to survive. The goblin and the barbarian loaded their mule, and they headed out to attend an unwilling court.

As they escorted the treasure to Pog's home, he decided the greatest prize was within himself. Pog stood up straight, peering through the translucent skin of his belly, watching the centipede succumb to digestion. Who says adventurers eat poorly?