a work in progress

Chapter 22 - Closure

"No you don't understand," he said a bit flustered, wiping his face with his hands. "I love you so much. I jus-. I can't. I- I-."

"You what, Luca? You're making me really nervous. Just tell me." I demanded anxiously adjusting the ring on my left ring finger.

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do," I shouted mildly affronted.

"Do I? You never tell me. But you know what you do tell me? That I'm not enough," he spat like a line of venom.

"When have I ever said that?" I interrupted exasperated by his outlandish assertion.

"I would never tell you something so horrible. Less than a month ago we both re-affirmed our love for one another," I said lifting my finger and pointing to my ring as a reminder.

"Luca, with you I've been nothing but supportive even though you choose never to talk to me about anything. You always talk to that stupid psychiatrist," my easy tone changed to one of indignation.

"She's a psychologist and she's not stupid," he yelled in return.

"Semantics," I muttered.

"You're starting to sound a lot like Harper," he retorted.

"And you're starting to sound like a crazy person. Seriously Luca, what's with this? You know I've never treated you the way you're saying."

"Okay, maybe you don't say it in those words, but I know that's what you mean," he added a bit deflated.

"Luca...you're not even making sense," I added rising from where we were seated outside the bookstore.

"What so you're leaving now? Just like that, not even give me a chance to speak."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm just stretching – though I should leave with you being so combative."

"See. Do you hear it? That's what I was talking about. You're being you know," he said re-situating in his chair, his back to me.

"Luca."

"Wait, let me go."

"Okay. Fine," I said, my voice dripping with annoyance.

"I don't think I want to do this anymore."

"What?" I asked, confused and unnerved watching as he continued to sit, never looking at me.

"I just can't. I can't be the guy you need me to be. I'm sorry MC. I wish I could."

His words send me through a whirlwind of emotions. I felt relieved that he'd finally opened up. I was angry because we were in public and he didn't even give me the respect of being in a private place. I was livid because we never talked about this, about how unhappy he was and about if we could fix it. I was sad because I knew he was already over us. I hadn't had a moment to make sense of it all and really decide how I felt, but he had. He'd gone through all the grief stages and was clearly at acceptance. I was near despondent because all I could think was Harper was right and I instantly felt alone.

                                                                                              #

"MC? Did you hear me?" Luca asks as I've drifted off, clearly cajoled by the déjà vu of it all.

"This isn't real, Luca. It can't be."

"I'm sorry. I know it seems like..."

"No," I start, interrupting what I feel is the worst pre-planned break up speech and full on crock of shit I could ever hear.