a work in progress

Chapter 1 - On a Couch Somewhere in Prague

"And I said to him, I'm Noe Marie Cortes. N-O-E, but pronounced like Noah, the man with the boat. I know that's a boy's name, but it's an abbreviated anagram of my mother's name, so she was willing to make a sacrifice," I breathe quickly before continuing.

"Noe," a voice says, stirring me from my quick-paced jabber.

"I always feel compelled to go into that story whenever I say my name. And that story is generally followed by me telling whomever that person is that my family calls me MC –for Marie Cortes of course. I feel like using MC makes you an insider because not everyone knows what MC means. Though I guess you would if I told you my story," I close, sealing my eyes shut as I place my hands behind my head and reminisce.

"Noe," the voice calls again, through gritted teeth.

"Yeah?" I ask opening my right eye to reveal Dr. Logan Hale – my therapist.

He's sitting in his rolling chair, red leather pad folio and pen in his hand, with both feet firmly planted on the floor. He's looking at me rather quizzically with his gray eyes, over his sleek, rimless glasses, preparing to speak. Today he's wearing a light blue button down, black slacks, and his favorite black Ferragamo loafers.

"What has any of this got to do with why you're here today? Seeing me? I already know your name."

I open both eyes, sit straight up, and address him almost yelling. "You asked me to tell you how I'm going to feel about whatever this new boss is, so I'm telling you." Deflated, I slink back down.

"But Noe I asked you for feelings and you've offered me a wonderful narrative and many thoughts, but no feelings."

"I feel like I've been living a nightmare. And this is the worst kind of torture because I can't wake up," I seethe.

"Tell me more about that."

"This is life. This is real life. It's happening and I can't do anything to re-write it, stop it or pause it. I can't rewind or fast forward. I can't skip to the next scene. I have to be here," I add using my fingers to sign each clause.

"Where do the new boss and your feelings fit into that?"

"Dr. Logan, what are you talking about?" I snap up, eyes ablaze. "For the love of all things sweet, Dr. Logan, are you hearing me?" I whine throwing my hands up in mock exasperation.

"Are you serious today?"

Though his voice is laced with skepticism, I sense he's anticipating a less than predictable answer. I settle further into the couch, readjusting my hands, palms up, savasana position, and take three deep breaths.

A little perturbed, Dr. Logan adds, "Tell me why you're here today. Why Noe, can't you sit on that couch and just talk to me about what's going on?"

I rise and turn to face him, and mirror his demeanor. I put pretend spectacles on my face, and slide them down to the tip of my nose. I sit upright, not touching the couch's back, with my feet resting on the ground, legs equidistance from each other. I clasp my hands, left thumb over right, laying them neatly in my lap. Slowly, methodically, and making sure to enunciate I start speaking in my best Dr. Logan voice.

"Breathe Dr. Logan. Just breathe." I wink as I've just said one of his favorite lines for me.

"Alright Noe, have it your way. As you were. Do as you must."

"Thank goodness!" I toss the imaginary glasses behind my couch and lay my head back.

I can feel his eyes piercing the side of my face as he rolls his chair beside me and taps me three times on the nose.