poems 'n shit

untitled

i don't get it.

i'm happy.

i'm smiling.

why do i feel like this?

the ever-lasting numbness that always comes back.

it starts to backfire.

this happiness i force myself to have, makes real happiness seem underwhelming.

everything is underwhelming.

this dark grey, almost black, smoke that surrounds me.

why won't it go away?

sometimes i see hope of it disappearing,

and maybe even for days.

it just sits there,

barely noticeable.

but something always brings it back.

like a friend slightly hinting that they don't like me,

or my brother jokingly insulting me,

or accidentally hurting someone i love.

it never seems to go away.