Am I Good Enough Yet?

Chapter 3

As i jump out of bed with tears running down my face i run to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I slide down the door and burry my head in my hands. The words keep going through my mind "no one wants you here leave" maybe she is right, maybe no one does want me here and everyone wants me to leave even Arizona and Katie, maybe they are fake friends.

I get up off the floor and look into the mirror my eyes are red from crying and my cheeks are stained with tear streaks. I try and make myself look a bit presentable even though its 11pm and no one is awake. Thank god no one heard me sobbing.

I unlock the door and start to walk back to my room. As i get there i hop straight back into bed not even looking at my and cover my head with the blankets. After 10 minutes of tossing and turning i finally fall asleep.

The next morning i wake up dreading school. All i can think about is that fucking message thats all thats going through my head. As i finally get up and have a shower, get dressed, put make up on and do my hair, i am finally walking down stairs. I dont even bother having breakfast im "not" hungry. I say to mum that i will catch the bus today for a change.

As i walk out the door and start to walk to the bus stop i hear giggling behind me 'great who could this be' i think in my head. As i start to get paranoid i relise its just 2 girls who i dont know giggling at each other. They walk past me must be thinking im a complete weirdo. I get to the bus stop and the bus comes 5 minutes later.

As i get off the bus to walk into school everybody is staring at me and whispering to the person near them. I see Arizona and Katie  and start to walk over to them but they walk away and completely ignore me. I start to walk to the bathroom as i hear someone call out my name " Summer hey wait up!" it was Benji, he has been my bestfriend since i can remember. I stop and wait for him. Arizona and Katie never ever let me talk to him they said having a gay guy bestfriend would never work so i didnt really talk to him.

Benji caught up to me and said "hey havent spoken to you in a while how are you?" as soon as he asked how was i, i broke down into tears. He hugged me, i hadnt hugged him in forever and it felt good to hug my bestfriend again. I told him everything about the messages and stuff, he couldnt believe it.

The bell rang for class and Benji had to go sadly, i told him i would text him soon. I went to the bathroom to check my make up and wipe my eyes. I decided not to go to period 1,2 and 3 so i just stayed in the bathroom. The bell rang for lunch and as my stomach grumbled i decided i had to go eat.

I walked out of the bathroom only to face Danielle, Arizona and Katie. They all start laughing at me and im left wondering why are Arizona and Kate with Danielle, maybe they had been planning this all along just to hurt me. I decide to put my head down and walk as fast as i can. As i relise i dont really have any other friends i decide to text Benji. I feel bad for never talking to him, after all he is always the one that ends up being there for me.

After i text Benji saying "hey meet me on the field would like to have lunch with you" i start to walk down there. I sit under a tree, i get my lunch out and start eating. I get my phone out of my bag and log into facebook i have about 100 messages from people i dont even know. They all say "haha you are such a weirdo, Danielle is right your not good enough". I delete all the messages.

I see Benji coming down to meet me i completely forgot about me texting him. When he sits down i tell him all that just happened and i burst into tears. i say " this isnt fair why is it happening to me". I tell him that i didnt go to periods 1,2 and 3 and im really considering not going to 4,5 and 6 either. Benji gives me a big hug and tells me i will get threw this. He suggests i go to sick bay and go home so i do just that. He walks me to sick bay and gives me a hug goodbye and he tells me to text him when im home.

Mum finally arrives after it feels like forever waiting here for her. The drive home is silent but then mum brakes the silence by saying "how was your day Summer" i satrt to cry, i didnt want to tell her but now i guess i have to. I tell her everything and finish just as we pull into the driveway. When we stop i jump straight out of the car and run to my room.

I lock the door behind me and start the cry again. Why does this have to happen to me out of everyone. Arizona and Katie were never my bestfriends they were just using me. I walk over to my desk and grab a pair of scissors. I walk out of my room and tell mum im having a shower. When i get in the shower i do something i never expected i would ever do... there was blood everywhere and i regret it the minute i saw it and did it..