Am I Good Enough Yet?

Chapter 6

After the excitement for the morning i rolled out of bed and went and had a shower. After i got out i put my jeans and a t-shirt on with my black converse. Benji was sitting in my room on his phone, he was texting somebody but i didnt ask who. He came up with the idea to go get ice cream but it was only like 11am, i agreed so off we went.

After we got our ice cream Benji was still on his phone i tried to look but when he saw me he would hide his phone. I was starting to get a little worried. Knowing that i was happy for once and that Benji and I had just started dating and he was already hiding his phone worried me but i forgot about it and tried to have a good time. All of Benjis friends were dickheads so i didnt like hanging out with them, i didnt really have any friends well i thought i did until they became total bitches. So whenever we did something it was just us oh and Benjis phone.

We got home around 4pm we were out basically all day and made very little conversaton. Something has changed between Benji and i since we started dating and i dont like it. He is barely talking to me and is on his phone all the time. The Benji i know would always be talking to me and mucking around.

I hadnt cut for a while and i was getting to the stage where i had to give in, i went to the bathroom and told Benji id be back soon. I closed and locked the door behind me, i searched the draws where i had hidden my blades and found one. As i run the blade over my wrist i felt a sigh of relief but i was disturbed by a knock on the door. I quickly wrapped my arm in a towel and answered the door it was Benji.

He told me he had to leave or something i didnt quite get what he said i made small talk as i had blood coming out of my wrist. I gave him a quick kiss and slammed the door. I quickly turned the tap on and took the towel off my wrist, i ran my wrist under the water and flinched at the pain. I forgot how much it hurt.

I decided to put a bandaid on it and go to bed. The next morning i woke up to a text from Benji saying "hey i cant see you today sorry". I didnt bother replying, he was supposed to be my bestfriend and now my boyfriend but everything has just changed and im not handling it. We have never had a fight or argument and i had only just started getting close with him again and now this has all fallen to pieces.

After im dressed and ready for the day i relise mum isnt home she must of gone to work already. I take the bandaid off my wrist and relise i did some damage. All the thoughts come back into my head "your ugly", "your fat", "attention seeker", even Benji doesnt want to be with me today.

I get a message from Danielle which i dont understand why and it says "Benji doesnt like you he loves me lol" i throw my phone and ignore her. She always does this who ever i get close with she takes them away for example Katie and Arizona but im not letting her do this with Benji. I decide to stay in bed all day and watch movies and sleep. I havent heard from Benji which was upsetting but oh well im used to people not talking to me.

It was 9pm and i was slowly falling asleep but my phone woke me up a text from Benji and Danielle saying: Benji: "Danielle is really good at sex" Danielle: "Benji is really good at sex". WTF is this what happened is that who he was texting and did he cheat on me or is this a joke omg! I decide to try and ring Benji but he ignores me and again and again and again. By the time i give up i am in tears and have already shred my thighs apart with a blade. All i can think is here we go again!