Rain | JJK

17

Eunji's POV

It's been a week and a half, I didn't want to talk to anybody. What I've gone through in these past few days were too overwhelming for me to accept company. I have to be into therapy while I'm here every two days.

Sungmin wasn't dead those past 4 years. In fact he was committing crimes. I would have at least wanted to talk to him about everything, but now he's really dead. Have I really had any tears left to shed? There were so many sunk into the loss of Sungmin in the past I don't think  I could handle crying anymore to the thought of him being actually dead.

The last I've seen of him, the look in his eyes when he mouthed those words. I can't think of him the way I used to.

But it was so hard not to. I couldn't handle any of this, it was so hard to process. I could feel the tears, they just couldn't leave.

The last memory of him, his cold blooded eyes.

They were once filled with purity, kindness, and everything good. What could change that? If his parents just told the truth, things could be so different. But here I was, in the worst state of mind I've ever been.

The pool of blood he caused, it haunted me.
The way he could lie to me about who he was, it haunted me.
The way he stalked me the past few weeks, it haunted me.

Everything about him seemed to be a nightmare, how could I control this?

Everything that felt so bright and colourful in my mind grew dull, I felt as if I was carrying a whole tower by myself. I felt so lonely in a place filled with many people. It felt like everything that made me so happy was burning right in front of me and I couldn't do anything to fix it.

I wanted to talk to somebody about this, somebody that was close to me. I wanted to hug my friends, I wanted comfort. God, I didn't want to feel this way anymore.

I didn't have the strength in me to ask that, I was breaking down in a room surrounded by people that could help. It was so easy to just call somebody to support me the way I should be, but something inside me thought I didn't deserve it.

Blame took over me, I blamed myself for not finding Sungmin. I blamed myself for not questioning when Sungmin's hospital bed was just empty and he was pronounced dead without me ever seeing a flat line.

I could have helped him, but I just believed everyone like a fool. I should have suspected something, I'm an idiot.

All these thoughts thrown around in my head while staring blankly at a wall, it was suffocating.

I wanted to call Namjoon, I wanted him to hug me and tell me everything is going to okay.
I wanted to call Jiyeon, I wanted her to assure me that life goes on and things will get better.
I wanted Jungkook's lips on mine and make me forget about this. I wanted to be in his arms so badly, I've never craved anybody's touch as much as I did for him.

If I hear anyone's voice, a voice that seems so familiar to me it could heal my aching heart.

I'm so greedy to want these things. I'm so selfish to think this way.

Everything from that horrible day, the day of hearing those gunshots and his cry for pain kept me up at nights.

I swallowed a lump in my throat, I've barely eaten in this time. I was getting slim to a point where I began to get very weak. I lost a lot of energy.

I pictured Jungkook's face in my mind, I wanted him to wrap his arm around me so bad and inhale his scent. I wanted to see his smile, I've never curled a smile throughout this whole time I was in the hospital.

I beeped the button for assistance. A nurse walked in the matter of seconds.

"Please call Jeon Jungkook." My voice was raspy.

"Miss, it's 3:02am." She frowned in response.

"Please." My tone had no pride, it was so helpless. She sighed, nodding at my words and going to the front office.

I waited for him, hopefully he would come. I know it was so selfish for me to request him at this hour, I just really need him.

3:29am. My shut hospital door opened, I saw Jungkook's bright eyes. Tears were strung out of my eyes seeing him. He rushed in and froze when he saw me.

"I'm so selfish for asking you to come here at this hour, I just really need yo-" He cut me off by indulging me in a hug. I heard his sobs by my ear. I was crying as well.

"I really needed you." I whimpered, he held my tightly and not spoke any words. His breath was hiccuped, I gathered all my strength to hug him tightly.

He cupped both my cheeks with his hands, wiping my tears. "I've never spent so many sleepless nights thinking of somebody as much as I did for you."