Undeniable Crush (a lgbt+ novel)

Chapter 2

Elaina and I had to speed walk to our classes since they were literally on the other side of the building and the bell would ring soon. Who needs P.E. when you're an irresponsible teen, am I right?

Anyway, we had different classes for first period so we said a quick "bye" to each other before we went on our separate paths. I strolled into the Team R hallway, at this point I had given up on speed walking, and opened the door to math class. Most of the students were already there, including Jaclyn, who was practically my student at this point, but I didn't mind.

"Hey, we have a algebra 1 test this Friday, I was wondering if we could have like a study date or something because I'm completely lost, Liv.

"Sure, when?

"My house. Thursday after school. My mom said she'd pick us up. She said she could drop you off too."

"That would be amazing."

I wish I didn't have to ask Jaclyn's mom to always pick me up and drop me off. Even though Jaclyn never showed that it bothered her, I kind of felt like a drag to them. My dad never really got involved in my parenting after Mom went to rehab. Once, I asked him to take me to my friend's house and he grounded me for being "inconsiderate" of his workload. He acted like he did a 12-hour shift even though he comes back from work at 1 and sleeps and smokes until the bar is open. I rolled my eyes; it would never be the same without Mom to keep him together.

"Good morning class," Mr. Schumer began, "Today we are going to be moving onto our Algebra 2 unit. Don't forget that we have a Algebra 1 test this Friday. Get out your notebooks and start solving the equations on the board."

I got out my notebook and pencil to start heading the page for today's page of algebra equations.

* * *

By the time the class was over, I was feeling semi-confident in my algebraic abilities. I gathered my stuff and headed to the next class which was social studies, the stalest subject of them.

I walked into the class expecting Mrs. Campbell to be there, but nope we had a substitute that was probably a grandmother to some bratty kids. Great. Just fantastic.

"Hello students, I am the substitute teacher for Mrs. Campbell. She has left the assignment on the board..."

I looked at the whiteboard; she had left us a partner project for us to start on that was due Thursday. That was three days from now and I knew literally no one in this class despite being in it for the past two months. I am so screwed.

"Hey, do you want to be my partner?" Someone whispered.

I turned around; it was that new kid who showed up last week. I think his name has Matthew. Hold up, why did he want to be my partner?!

"Okay." I replied. I doubted anyone else wanted to be my partner.

We started working on the project and decided to split it up. I would be researching all the stuff and he would be making the presentation. The class went by fairly quickly considering it usually moves at turtle pace. Matthew was actually tolerable unlike every other boy in class, so that was nice. Although he would get nervous and blush slightly when we talked which was strange. For a second, I thought that he might have a crush on me but I shook it off. That guy was cute; he wouldn't settle for a nobody like me. And even if he did; that feeling wasn't mutual.

That night, when I was texting Josie, I brought it up.

Me:Josie, Matthew keeps blushing and crap when we talk for our partner project in SS. Idk what's up with him.

Josie: OMG he totally likes you! What if he want to ask you out for the school dance! 😉

Me: I doubt it. Also, I'm just not interested.

Josie: Come on Olivia, have some fun. You still haven't had your first kiss yet and a boy's into you...I'm just saying

Me: EWWW!! Josie, I hardly know the kid and you want me to kiss him. Like hell to the NO.

Josie: Fine but I still think you should experiment more. I have to go eat dinner so bye!

I turned off my phone, and started realizing what this meant. A boy was supposedly into me and I felt NOTHING, like at all. I thought the guy was cool but I just didn't like him that way. Also, I would rather date Skylyn than a boy. Wait a second, did that mean anything? No, no, no, no, that didn't mean anything. It just meant I hadn't met the right guy, right? And that I trusted my best friend more than a boy I hardly knew. I shook off my strange thoughts and got under the covers. All that running this morning was exhausting, I could use some rest.

Except I didn't get any rest. I kept thinking these weird thoughts all night. I eventually fell asleep but then I had a really odd dream. It consisted of Skylyn and I being in a relationship. And not the best friend one we had now. I woke up this morning being internally confused at this. I tried to ignore these thoughts in the back of my head for a couple of weeks, but they just kept coming back stronger.  At first, I meant dating Skylyn as a joke, but now it was becoming something more. After that traumatizing experience in middle school, I couldn't be lesbian. I couldn't be gay.  If that's what people were going to say without knowing it was true, what would they do if it was? I wasn't strong enough for that.