Still

Chapter 1

The blaring noise of my alarm wakes me up. I flop my hand towards my night stand and try to find my phone to turn it off. Once the agitating noise stops I lie staring up at my ceiling hopelessly. It's the same thing every day, the same routine, wake up, get through the day, sleep. And the worst thing is every day seems longer and harder to get through. I feel lost in a world that is continuously moving. I am always laying still.

My door opens, disturbing my depressing thoughts.

"Let's go Ember, I can't be late today", whines my twin sister. We differently are polar opposites my sister and I, myself being the disappointment and her being perfect. I wish it were as easy for me as it is for her.

I respond to her with a groan and she sighs and walks out with her perfectly straight brown hair swaying behind her. I slowly drag myself to the bathroom my twin and I share and put my contacts in. I look in the mirror and study myself, the bags under my eyes, my mess of wavy hair that I can't be bothered to do, and my sad smile that I force out. You can make it I think to myself.

I toss on a pair of black leggings I find on my floor and grab my favourite hoodie from my closet. I somehow get my blonde hair, that I notice is in need of a tone, into a decent messy bun and put on minimal makeup although loading concealer under my eyes to seem more alive.

"Ember, I swear if I'm late for one more class—" I cut her off by saying, "Shut up Willow." And to this she rolls her eyes and sits in the passenger seat of my car with her arms folded across her chest. Her and I both know the real reason she wants to go to school is to see her boyfriend who she thinks can't get through a single day without her.

When we arrive at Blackhill High, Willow races out of the car and heads straight to class because god forbid she is a minute late. I, on the other hand, sit in my car trying to find the will power to get out and make whatever I can out of this rainy day. Someone harshly knocks on my window and makes me jump in my seat. It's my best friend Valerie, she's smiling and waving her hand with a freshly lit dart in it, motioning for me to roll down the window.

"So great news..." she says once I roll down my window. To which I give her a look she knows too well. "Ben and I are back together!" she squeals, her rose coloured lips turning into a massive grin.

"Val, you know after the amount of times he's broken your heart, I really can't stand him." I say, hoping she will get the sense knocked into her one day.

"I just want you to be happy for me for once Ember, I know it's hard after everything between you and Zane but—" I throw my hand up making her stop talking, I can tell by the look on her face that she knows she's said too much, I know she can't help it, the girl doesn't have a filter but she still hit a wall with that one. "I'm sorry, I crossed the line." To this all I can do is nod and feel the sorrow well up inside of me. Zane was my boyfriend, and the only boy I can ever imagine myself with. He broke up with me because he met another girl who ended up being one of my best friends who I had a fight with months prior. She did it to hurt me and he knew all about her too.

Val passes me her dart because she knows I'll need it to even set foot in that school. "I can't do it" I say, not referencing to school which she thinks I am but to life entirely.

"Yes you can Ember, you have to show him how good you're doing without him. Don't show him how you actually feel." She tells me. "You know what? We're going to Elle's party tonight. He will be there and so will a ton of other hot guys who will be all over you. You're gorgeous Ember, I know you can't see it but Ben always says his friends think you're hot as fuck." I truly do not want to go to this party. Before I dated Zane, I would've been so down. I used to love partying and having fun with a few hook ups here and there. But he changed me.

"I don't want to. I will get anxious." This is always my excuse because Val's seen my panic attacks plenty of times before.

"Just for an hour, we will leave if you feel even the tiniest bit anxious." She says and I can tell she's just trying to bring the old me back. But I don't know where that girl went.

"I'm always anxious." I tell her.

"Please Ember." She whines giving me puppy dog eyes. So, I nod because I know she won't let it go until I agree to it. I will probably end up finding some excuse to not go anyways.

Val smiles and does a little dance and then opens my car door to drag me out. We walk towards the doors of our school and I drop my cigarette butt just before we enter.