Still

Chapter 2

Today, like many other Fridays, felt slow and repetitive. Going from class to class, I hit my breaking point and by third period I decided that I had had enough for today and walked out of the school without caring about being caught.

Just as I was getting into my car I heard someone yell my name. It was Val, sitting in Ben's car with a flirtatious grin on her face as she looked at him. She motioned for me to come over to them and yelled, "Come here!" loud enough for the entire parking lot to hear even though I was only a row down from them.

As I approached them, Zane and my ex best friend, Ray walked by and I felt a sudden wave of anguish come over me. The way she smiled at him reminded me of the way he used to make me feel and it made me want to sink into the ground and disappear in that very moment.

Obviously, I had a look on my face revealing how I felt because Valerie said, "I'm sorry Ember." And I knew she truly meant it because her facial expression became serious which it never normally does. "If you really don't want to go to Elle's tonight that's totally fine. We can binge watch Netflix in my room and forget all about that cheating sack of shit." She ended up sounding extremely aggressive while talking about Zane.

"As much as I'd rather do that, I think we should go to the party. I need to move on, I'm so sick of feeling like shit all the time." I say, surprising myself because I actually meant it. Seeing him happy with another girl made me want that for myself, but with a guy that actually deserves me.

"Oh my god girl! This is the Ember I know and love!" and with this, she jumps out of Ben's car, swings her arm around my shoulders and waves goodbye to him with a massive grin on her face. "We're going all out tonight honey." I found myself smiling just because hers is so contagious.

Val and I decided to get ready at my house before the party because she said it was closer but I was convinced she just wanted to use all of my high-end makeup, which is where every dollar I make tends to go towards. But as I sat on my bed with a mirror in one hand and a mascara wand in the other the feeling hit me again. Complete emptiness. It comes without warning; I could be happy one moment but the emptiness always comes back.

"I think I'm having second thoughts about this." I tell Val with a quiver in my voice that I did not intend. To this she looks at me comfortingly but I could still see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Are you sure? Is it because of him? Because I'll clock him in the face as soon as you give me the cue." She said jokingly but I felt as though she really intended it.

"This is why you're my best friend," I smile. "But I don't think I'm up for it." While saying this, I look down because I can't stand disappointing the one person who never disappoints me. I wish I had the motivation I used to have, I would push my limits and be adventurous but I just can't find the desire anymore. "You're still going though, take that boy of yours and get hammered for me, alright?"

"I don't want to leave you alone all night." She says and I can tell she really thought I was going to make it this time, but I always end up fucking up.

"Don't worry about me. Willow will stick around tonight since her boyfriend is out of town. I'll have someone to annoy." I tell her with a smirk.

"If you need anything call," she smiles half-heartedly. "And I'm sleeping over tonight by the way!" She yells from down the hall with a laugh.