OBSESSIVE

about the story (2 years later)

Looking back at the writing of my 16 year old self, I felt a lot of pain come through my prose. Its thick and undeniable. Sometimes as an author its difficult to put yourself in the shoes of your readers and in turn fail to realise the impact such a heavy story has on them and their lives.

I'm writing to explain why I wrote the story, the message I was sending and tying up a few loose ends. Of course, the book is no longer my own- it belongs to you guys too, so your own interpretation is just as relevant.

As my writing touched you all deeply, here are some questions and answers you might find interesting to read, especially considering they're 2 years after the completed publishing date so I can look at the book objectively.

Firstly, where did you get your inspiration?

I was going through writer's block at the time and looking for writing prompts on Pinterest. A lot of the prompts are fantasy related or a bit plain like "write about your first memory". Then I came across the prompt: a boy and a girl promise that if they're both unmarried by 35 they'll marry each other. write a story where the boy sabotages every relationship until then.

I imagine the prompt was meant for a comedy. You know, when the girl goes on a date, the guy will show up at the restaurant in a trenchcoat and loudly bellow, "ladies and gentleman thank you for coming to our Saturday Night Stripping Event!"

But I was going through a fascination with Yandere characters after watching The Future Diary. So, I created Declan instead of Slapstick Simon. Apart from the backbone of the story, which is about sabotage, every other event is from the product of my own warped imagination.

Why did you write it the way you did?

I chose to write it in a poetic format because it was something new, original and allowed me to use fancy words I normally couldn't in my other books. I also wrote it in a letter format because it seems so much more personal and adds a voyeuristic flair; like the reader stumbled on something they shouldn't have, adding to the tense atmosphere I wanted to create.

Also, by writing in Declan's point of view I've basically created a bias which I wanted to be confusing. Taken objectively, Declan is an unstable, cruel, obsessive individual but by writing in his tone, I wormed in aspects of his character that would make him look good, almost caring and loving like when he helps Skye with her parent's divorce. In this way, it makes it more shocking when he kills Skye because we're reminded he's not a good person with a character flaw, but a vicious killer with an obsession.

How did you come up with the characters?

Everything I do, I do with purpose. Originally, I was going to write the story with Declan as a female in love with our wonderful Skye. But then I was sitting on the windowsill of a shop when I heard a mother shout to her kid, "come on Declan."

It was a name I haven't heard of before, and I loved how it rolled off the tongue. I googled it when I got home and was delighted to find out Declan's name means "man of goodness". Complete opposite to what he is. That was a fun easter egg to me that no one else would know unless you're as fascinated as me by name meanings.

As for Skye, the name was an obvious choice to me. If you reread the book there are repeat mentions of the sky, like the moon when Declan kills Matthew and looking up at the stars before Declan kills Skye. That's another fun easter egg I threw in there.

I wanted Skye to be different to other YA love interests. In so many books the female is always a virtuous, shy virgin with no life outside of romance and can do no wrong. I wanted Skye to be as imperfect as possible even while Declan was describing her that way. It's subtle but Skye has trauma around the subject of love. You can barely pick up on it.

After the divorce, Skye asks Declan if real love exists. The next incident is we find her with a much older guy. This can often be the product of, and I hate to use this phrase so loosely, "daddy issues" or ineffective parenting. I'm not saying that if you're attracted to much older guys there's something wrong with you or your family, but in Skye's case there is. There are other indicators that Skye is suffering from her parent's divorce too if you look for them. I just wanted to make sure Skye wasn't a Mary Sue who went through something and is suddenly okay again, like it didn't even happen, like, oh I don't know, 2 pages ago. I also wanted the parents to clearly be involved in the plot because so many YA novels literally have invisible parents???

Why did you end the book the way you did?

Quite simply put: Wattpad glorifies the fuck out of abusive relationships. I wanted to break this chain, and the best way I can do that is remind the reader that Declan isn't desirable.

I did get a few comments like "I want a Declan of my own! I love Declan! Why did he kill Skye?"

Declan is not a good person.

Put Declan into a real life situation, he basically stalks you, ruins all your relationships, kills one of your love interests and disguises it as a suicide, calls you a slut- why would you want that? Wouldn't you prefer a guy or girl to hold you and build you up? Why would you want Declan to get with Skye when he's a murderer and shows clear signs of mental instability?

Why have you got it in your mind that abuse is romantic?

Will you ever write a sequel?

I tried to a while ago called POSSESSIVE, but it felt wrong and unrealistic. I took it down because it was going nowhere and felt half-assed. But now that I'm older and can clearly see my motivation for writing this story, I may feel ready to revisit Declan's harsh world and write a sequel.

I thought about writing in Skye's point of view, but that doesn't sit right with me. I'd be rewriting the whole story and it wouldn't differentiate too much apart from a few chapters where she blames herself for failing relationships. I have thought about doing a series where I use prompts to create stories like this one, which I like. In this case it wouldn't be a sequel but just my "aesthetic" if you will- using prompts to create stories.

This book is amazing as a standalone though. Which is why I'm hesitant to write a sequel. Surely I'd just be recycling the plot if I wrote a sequel in Declan's point of view again. I'm leaning mostly towards Skye's point of view and the prompts, but I'd like to know what you think.

What is this the deeper message?

My deeper message and motivation for writing this was to break the stereotype that an abuser is worthy of love. And I don't mean an abuser who learns from his or hers actions and gets help, I mean someone who has literally destroyed someone's life and picked up on their trauma around love and exploited it. As mentioned, Skye has trauma around love shown through going for older guys, having unprotected sex really early on in a relationship (was she pressured into not using a condom with Matthew? Did she feel like she had to not use a condom so she's "hotter" than other girls?) and other subtle hints.

Imagine how it must feel to see your parents relationship fail and have all your relationships fail since you were a kid too. Again, why would you then want the reason for all her failed relationships to get with her?

This is the deeper message- I'm questioning your morals and ideas about relationships. Some of you may have realised this and others may be angry the story doesn't end happily.

But in an abusive relationship there is NEVER a happy ending.

If you or anyone you know are currently going through a negative relationship, please visit: http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/