The Inevitable

Chapter 9 Resurfacing

Edward sat in class, staring once again at Bella. He had to force himself to look away every once in awhile, though his eyes always automatically traveled back to her, like a reflex. She rarely looked over at him, but he caught her glancing at him out of the corner of her eye every so often.

He hadn't really thought that she would come the other day. In fact he had been sure of it. At least not that day. He figured if she ever did come it would be after endless persuasion. But Alice had only asked once, and there she was, later that day.

Having her there, sitting there, so close, had been torture and a release all at the same time. The release of course was her mere presence. When he was around her he felt it so strongly, although even when she wasn't there it was still present, due to the fact that he knew that she was somewhere; that she was alive. But feeling her actually in the same vicinity as him was unbelievably overwhelming; intoxicating almost, and it consumed him whole.

The torture was not going to her. Because all he wanted when he was near her was to reach out and touch her. He felt it even now in class. But there, at the house, where she had nearly been open, he had felt it more strongly than ever. When she walked out it had taken every ounce of self control he possessed to refrain from going after her and dragging her back. Because that's all he wanted.

That's what he would have. Eventually, somehow, he knew he would pull her back to him and hold her there tightly. He didn't care what or how long it took. He would share his life with her. He would reach deep inside and pull his Bella back.

Time. All he needed was time. And time he had, in endless supply; and it would all go to her.

After she left that night he had gone up to his room and just lay on his couch, replaying over and over the moment in his mind where he knew he had seen his Bella. When the constant cloud that covered her eyes had lifted momentarily and she had shown herself. And what a beautiful sight it was, staring into her eyes and seeing, feeling her again. He held onto that desperately, going over it again and again for hours.

But eventually the rest of the visit had caught up to him, and he began replaying her story in his head. Her story of being changed; all because of him. He knew it had been his fault. That he should have been there to protect her; to save her.

But it wasn't only that. The entire situation had come to pass because of him. Everything was his fault. How could she not blame him; there was no way around it. He knew that, now, she must have absolutely no faith in him. And he knew he needed to build that again; that he needed to show her that she was his entire world, and that he would never be so foolish again.

He wasn't quite sure how he would do it. But he would. He would regain her trust; and eventually, her love.

Time. He just needed time.

She was heading into dangerous territory; she knew that. Going there had been a huge leap. But not a leap for her; it had been a leap for Bella. The Bella that she now knew more than ever resided in her still; trying desperately to resurface and take…something. Something that she wasn't ready for and didn't; couldn't, want.

Because how could she go there? To a place that was so familiar, but yet so far away. To a place where emotions were felt and things were given and taken. She had nothing to give.

But Bella did. She was making that painfully obvious with every moment that ticked by. And as she fought to hold her back, she wondered what she was really fighting against. Who was this person that she was so desperately trying to hold on to? Amber? Or Sarah or Jessica or Michelle or Leslie or Anna or Ashley…all the many people she had become over the years?