The Inevitable

Chapter 20 Certainty

Bella stayed in the graveyard looking down at the two headstones for just a little while after Jacob left. She replayed their conversation through her head, feeling an odd relief she hadn't even known she'd needed.

She hadn't thought much about getting closure regarding Jacob. She knew she had wanted to talk to him, and that they would probably talk about everything that had happened back then, but she hadn't realized what a strong need there was inside her to wrap things up between them.

And now those things were wrapped up. She thought Jacob was right; they probably wouldn't see each other again. They hadn't needed this face to face to renew their friendship, just to close the doors that had never had a chance to be closed all those years ago.

And now they were closed. And everything that had happened today made her feel even more like Bella then she had since she was human. She really kind of hated that.

She sighed and walked away from the headstones, then broke into a run and headed to the place she knew she would come to all along.

She paced the middle of the meadow, finally letting the conversation from earlier play through her mind.

His words rang through her head over and over. What was best, putting you in danger, lies, blah blah blah. It all became jumbled into a huge mess, and she had no desire to untangle it.

Because it really only came down to two certain things.

Either he was lying then, or he was lying now. Surprisingly enough, a large part of her really wanted to believe he was lying now. She couldn't stand to think that the last seventy five years of her life had been led on the lies he had told that day.

Because she knew it was inevitable that she be changed. It would have happened regardless. And, even if he had left, but just hadn't told her he didn't love her; even then her life wouldn't have turned out this way.

Because she would have gone after him. If she had been changed and she had known that he still loved her, she would have searched for him high and low.

But she didn't believe he had been lying today. She remembered that day on the path when Edward had told her he was leaving pretty clearly. She remembered there were many times when he wouldn't meet her gaze. And when he had, there was something wrong; something in his eyes that just wasn't right.

But that hadn't been the case today. His gaze had been a little shifty, but when his eyes did meet hers, his gaze was earnest and forthcoming.

And of course, the second thing. If he wasn't lying today, what was she going to do? For that matter, if he was lying, what was she going to do? Because, aside from what he had said to her regarding the past, he had stood right in front of her and told her that he loved her.

Now. In the present. At this very moment. He loved her. And there was no part of her that wanted that to be a lie, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself there was. It was useless. She just loved him way too much.

The old Bella was back with full force. And she was just aching to reach out and touch him, hold him, kiss him. She was saying over and over in her head that there was nothing to think about, nothing to analyze, nothing to forgive.

And she really kind of wanted her to just shut up. Because, could it really be that easy? Was she just supposed to let everything go, was she really just supposed to leap into his arms, all is forgiven, and live happily ever after?