For Your Eyes Only

Nate's POV: First Kiss

I lay on my giant bean bag and think of her.

The way her voice sounds when she's excited about some little thing, such as a the little silver bullet pinging back to the stop of a silly arcade game, or how it turns dreamy when she talks about pursuing her career in medicine.

It is strange, because when she talks about becoming a doctor, she sounds cautious, like she's worried that I will shoot her aspirations down. Which is odd because her father is the greatest neurosurgeon in the state of North Carolina. And, who wouldn't want to brag about wanting to save lives?

She is bound to be something great because she is great.

Which worries me. I have thought every second of every day since kindergarten about this girl and now she actually knows I'm alive. Which also worries me.

I feel alive when I am with her--actually, I feel nervous and anxious and all above terrified, but that's only because I don't understand how I can feel all this. It's like I'm the dog and Kelly has finally given me a bone and now I'm rolling on my belly begging to be pet. I grimace at that analogy, but my brain is a jumbled mess after tonight. I click my smart watch and listen to Siri announce the time. It's late and at the speed that my brain is working, there is no way I will be falling asleep any time soon.

My parents are away on a "business trip" as my father put it though we both know that it's their wedding anniversary this weekend. It's comical that my mom and dad still think that they have us fooled that babies are dropped off my storks and grownups don't have lives.

Someday, I wish to have a companion that loves me as much as my parents love each other.

But I don't see how a person would care to be with someone when they have to adapt to their way of living. Humans are selfish in that type of way.

But humans also want contact of any type that can get. Including me.

I had gone to the football game. My very first high school one. Kelly had asked me if I was going during lab today and I didn't have the willpower to tell her no but I didn't want to lie to her by saying yes when, in all honesty, I didn't want to go. Sports never appealed to me which would explain why I have stuck to academics my whole life. 

Also, there's nothing to be enthusiastic about when you can't see the play actually happening. It's one of those awkward cheer when everyone else cheers, boo when everyone else boos, sort of thing.

I hate it.

"I think you would have fun," she had said in that velvety voice of hers that makes my cells hum under my skin. I can still feel her running her hand along my forearm in a way that caused goosebumps to cover my flesh at the simple touch of her skin against mine. It was embarrassing but Kelly is good at ignoring these kind of things. I think she is used to it. I think she also enjoys my uncomfortableness which would also explain why she uses it as a way to get her way.

Sometimes, I can feel her smile. I can't see it, but I know that if I could, it would knock me straight on my ass.

I am very, very, inane when it comes to her.

I don't talk to many girl--many people to be honest, but I can talk to Molly without a problem. I can have Molly touch me--though it's innocent as the day is long on both ends--and my heart doesn't launch in my chest like the Falcon 9. I can listen to hundreds of voices, and hers will stand out like needle pricking at my skin.

It's crazy how my body knows the second that she enters the room. It's like my soul calls for hers and the extraordinary thing is, I think hers answers back.