Adam-
The house didn't feel as airy as it usually does, it feels suffocating and hostile. It's been like this for a while, nothing has happened between us, but I just sense the hidden tension. "How was the studio?" I ask and Adam scrapes the food on his plate. "Fine." He huffs, I wanted to roll my eyes so bad.
"Any new songs?" I ask and he shrugs. "I guess so." He mumbles, Adam has always been quiet but this is different. "Have you guys figured out the new era?" I question and just like that, the ball finally dropped in the room. His face went from emotionless all the way to annoyed and ready to start an argument.
"Stop asking so many fucking questions, this is not an interview. God just stop talking for fucking once." He yells and my heart drops. "Okay." I mumble and try to suppress my thoughts. The knot had built in the back of my throat and the tears stung my eyes. I just stared at my food and literally felt sick from my thoughts.
Why did I feel as though it was my fault? I put so much of myself into someone and they drop me so harshly. God I love Adam more than I've loved anything. My heart pounds and I didn't know how to approach the situation.
My last thought was to annoy Adam and that's always my biggest fear, is that I've literally drove him to the point where I'm an annoyance. I feel like an actual ghost in this house and a burden to him. It's weird how a small sentence can make all the things you known as love feel like a nuisance.
I couldn't even finish my food so I stood up from the dining room chair and silently walked my way towards the kitchen. I trembled as I put the food away and put the dishes in the dishwasher. I felt like having an actual argument would of made me feel less suffocated.
"Babe." Adam voice finally cut through my thoughts. "No, not right now Adam." I say and he sighs. "I'm sorry." He states and I officially roll my eyes. "Of course." I mutter and he groans. "I don't want to fight." He states, I could tell his voice held some of his anger. "I don't want to be here anymore." I whisper.
"What was that? Speak up." He demands and my anger finally kicked in. "I don't wanna fucking be here." I finally snapped. "So why is that?" He crosses his arms and sucks air through his teeth.
"You make me feel so suffocated. I try so hard and I feel like this relationship has become one sided. I love you so much and you make me feel like an option. You make me feel like I'm a nuisance or that feeling that maybe I was stupid to think someone could love me and want to stay with me. You're making me feel like I never want to feel again." My voice had finally come down a few notches and my anger has subsided into sadness. The kind of anger where you're so calm it's frightening.
"I never wanted that." He says and I shrug. "Yeah, well me either. I never asked for this much pain. All I ever wanted to do was love you." I mutter and step past him. I dig through the closet and pull out the extra bedding items. I throw them down to the end of the staircase where he stood sadly. "Sleep tight." I spit and turn towards our bedroom.
——
It had been days since we argued and I didn't even have the perseverance to handle the whole situation. Part of me wanted to just start packing my bags, then the other half of me couldn't even see a life without him. We're both to stubborn to make a move right now.
The tension was thick enough to cut it with a knife. I think Adam had got to the part where his guilt turned back into anger.
"Do you want some toast?" He asks, I look up from my bowl of cereal. "Nope." I pop the 'p.' He sighs and shakes his head. "Are we ever going to get back to normal?" He asks and I laugh. "You're the one who started this." I shake my head.
"You haven't even gave me a chance to apologize." He states and I look at him dead on. "I feel like I can't even trust the words that'll come out of your mouth. You'll end up telling me you had a bad day and that you didn't mean to take it out on me. That doesn't help the fact that you made me feel like a burden. If it wasn't for the fact that I love you so fucking much, I would of packed my bags already." I say and he looks down sadly.
"I don't want you to leave and I don't even know if I could ever picture you gone. I really am sorry for how I've been acting and for how I treated you the other day." He says and I nod. For some reason, even with all the things he said, I felt like my heart was being twisted around like when you wring out a towel.
"You're not a burden to me, ever. You make me feel whole and so so so happy. When I come home to see that you were kind enough to wait for me and make me supper, or when you're dancing and singing to one of my songs, it's like I instantly feel better. I have bad days and that's inevitable, but what you make me feel will never be a nuisance, it'll always be love." He proclaims.
We just stare at each other for a few seconds. For the first time in a couple of days, I feel like I see the old him. "I love you too Adam." I say and grab his hand. "Really?" He asks like a little kid. I nod and his face lights up. He leans across the table quickly, leaving a kiss on my lips.
Once I started writing I realized it was like 1k words and that if I did all 4 it would be 30 pages... so different parts sounds lit.
