Child For Us

Chapter 4: Watching

  The next time that Yev came around was four days after Mickey confronted him about a kid. Ian had shut that conversation down once and then again when his boyfriend started up when they went to bed. He was angry because he had been too obvious, he hadn't said anything but he had to have done something to make Mickey anxious enough to ask. He'd asked Ian and Ian had seen the worry in his eyes, it confirmed everything that Ian was already certain of; that Mickey didn't want a kid. And so he had shut him down but he had curled up with the man that night as ever just to show that he was not angry at him.

  He hadn't been able to help his actions in the last few days. Really he knew that he was probably making things worse but every time he saw Mickey he just felt this burning need to make it up to him. He was extra kind and helpful, he woke Mickey every morning before he had to go for work with a blowjob before getting up to make him breakfast. He made him lunch to take with him. He kissed him goodbye and made his way off to the station before coming home and making dinner. He didn't make a single sarcastic remark and did everything to make sure that he didn't annoy his boyfriend. 

  Thing was, he knew Mickey noticed. Really Ian would have been worried if he hadn't. The thug had gone to comment on it once but Ian had shut him up with a kiss and ate him out until he couldn't remember what he was going to say.

  When Yev was there though, he could feel Mickey watching his every move. Every smile, every glance, every time that Ian ran his fingers through the soft blond hair or bounced the boy on his knee. Every time that Ian got Mickey's son to giggle or grin, every time move Ian made when playing with him. Every little detail and it was more than a bit disconcerting. 

  The paramedic knew that he had smiled less that day, had been more withdrawn from the boy, but he couldn't help it. He felt like Mickey was judging him and now that he knew Ian wanted a kid. Maybe he could persuade Mickey that he didn't want a kid if he was less affectionate towards the one that they cared for now.

  When it was time for Yev to go Ian handed the boy to Mickey and went off to make himself a pot off coffee in an attempt to quell the shaking in his hands. He saw Mickey giving him a curious look but he ignored it in favour of making his way to the kitchen.

  "Okay we need to talk Gallagher. Like now because as great as having a mindless servant has been I want my boyfriend back," Mickey snapped behind him.

  Ian didn't turn to face him only put down his mug and clenched the side. Mindless servant... Well he supposed he had been really. He knew that they couldn't carry on this way but he didn't want to talk either. Mickey didn't want a kid and Ian didn't want one if he didn't. That was that. There was no talking needed.

  "I'm sorry. I'll stop," Ian said, still facing away from the other.

  "I don't want you to be sorry Ian. I want to know why you've been acting so fucking weird," Mickey snapped, walking over and grabbing Ian to pull him around.

  Now that he was facing the other he found that he couldn't look into the other man's eyes so instead he focused on his chin. Mickey still gripped his arm almost painfully tight but when he saw that Ian was avoiding his gaze he used his other hand to grab the ginger's chin.

  "Fuckin' look at me," Mickey growled.

  "I was just trying to be nice. I felt guilty and I was just trying to make it better," Ian confessed.

  "Guilty about what?" Mickey asked, he looked worried and confused and Ian found that he had been making the other look like that too much lately.

  "The whole kid business. I didn't mean to want one. It's not fair on you. But I don't... I don't want a kid. I don't want you to worry about that okay. We can just put all this behind us, pretend it never happened and I will just stop. Okay?" Ian told him.

  He tried to pull away and kiss Mickey but the other roughly shoved Ian backwards. Grimacing as his back hit the counter, he looked at Mickey and clenched his jaw as the other looked apologetic.

  "Mick what was that for?" Ian demanded.

  "Fucking trying to distract me from talking again. Why the hell do you keep doing that? I want to talk about the kid Ian!" Mickey yelled. Great, they were yelling now.

  "Yeah Mick well maybe I don't want to talk about a fucking kid that doesn't exist!"

  "Why huh? You say that you don't want the kid but you are lying to my face!"

  "Mickey you don't want a kid! I am done pushing you to do things that you don't want to do, it always ends badly for you! I am not going to ask anything of you like that again I promise," Ian said, slowly getting more and more quiet as the guilt caught up with him once more.

  "What the hell are you talking about?" Mickey asked, he too was quiet. He came over to Ian and cupped his jaw, pulling him in close.

  "That time I got you to kiss me and then I came over and your dad found us and he beat you and had you raped, when I pushed you to come out and your dad beat you. Then when I got out of hospital and I kept calling and you came back and had to put up with all my bullshit and craziness and running away and breaking-" Ian rambled before Mickey cut him off with a kiss.

  "Now look who's distracting from talking," Ian joked when Mickey pulled away a moment later. He felt wet on his face and God he was crying, he couldn't believe he was crying.

  "I want a kid too Ian," Mickey said against Ian's lips as he gently wiped the tears from the ginger's face with his thumbs.