Black heart

Little Me

"You idiots"
"No really you've outdone yourself"
"Shut up, just don't even breathe right now"

I could hear the shrill yells of Jess, whilst someone stroked my hair and face.
I could smell my Babushka's sweet perfume.

I opened my eyes slowly, the dim lighting made it easier to do so and focus on who was around me.
"She's waking up. No don't even bother coming here again" i watched Jess slam the house phone down, ending the call.
"Assholes"

Bepa smiles at me and moved her hand to my face,
"You gave everyone a real fright you know, moy solnyshka"

I ran my hand over my head where it was feeling tender, I hissed as I came into contact with a bruise.
Bepa grabbed my hand pulling it off my head,
"No, no, you hit your head very hard when you fell down. Made a very big mess of my floor"

I could see she was trying to make light of the situation but the worry lines had set into her forehead and around her eyes.
I tried to concentrate on what I remembered before my accident,

"Where are the guys?" I blurted out "the ones with the guns? Did you call the police? I really think you should-"

Jess snorted from the corner,
"She doesn't know does she?"
"Know what?"

Bepa had turned away from my face and was looking up towards the ceiling whilst still stroking my hair, i struggled to sit up the room spinning and a pulsating headache pushing on my temples and eyes.

Bepa tried to get me to lay back down,
"Be careful, you could fall again. You've not rested long"

"No" I shook away her concern, "what do I not know?"

She sighed,
"Jess, please leave. I need to talk to her alone"

Panic rose into my throat, and I felt as if I was my heart was going to pound out of my chest.

"What's going on Bepa?"
She sighed turning to me,
"I didn't want you to find out" she paused "we wanted to protect you from all this, not get caught up in it..."

"Who is we?" I was feeling anger bubbling on the surface of my panic, quilting around it masking how I truly felt.

"Me... Leo..." she paused again looking into my eyes trying to gauge a reaction before continuing, I swallowed hard I felt the same as the day my dad left, I couldn't grasp my emotions.
I exhaled a breath nodding for her to carry on.
She looked away again,
"Tati.....your father"

"Stop...my dad....he-he wouldn't associate with men who brought guns and shot people or threatened people or or" I couldn't conprehend this situation but I knew my dad he wouldn't do this he was a good guy, he looked out for people and was kind, compassionate. He was loving.
Not hateful or wanted to bring pain, suffering or hurt on anyone.

"That's not true Bepa, stop lying" I clenched my hands into fists, i felt my nails digging tightly into my palms. My eyes were beginning to gloss over and I was holding back the choking sobs that were aching to be released.

She moved towards me to give me a hug, I stopped her pushing my hands out in front of me.
"I want to go home. Please." I whispered

She nodded, I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, she was a proud woman and I knew she wouldn't cry whilst I was there, "I'll get my keys"
She motioned for me to leave the house and to the car, as I left the room Jess rushed to me.

"Hey" she whispered lowly "are you ok?"
I stared at her blankly, she sighed and took a pen off the side table, scribbling quickly onto a piece of paper by the side.
She thrust the paper into my hand,
"Call me or text me, you don't need to feel alone" she smiled sympathetically at me.