The moment Leelee got out of the back of her father's car, she felt the knot in her stomach tighten. They had just pulled up in front of a large brick building downtown for their first family therapy session. She wrung her hands, twisting the ring she wore in her right middle finger. Stevie noticed right away that something was off about her daughter and draped an arm around her shoulders.
"It's going to be okay," her mother soothed and Leelee nodded, though unconvinced.
The family of three walked in, Lindsey holding the door for the women. Stevie smiled softly and Leelee followed quietly behind.
The waiting room was thankfully quiet and empty, save for the ticking of the clock on the wall. When their name was called, Leelee drew in a deep breath and stood.
Stevie took her daughters hand and led her to the therapist's office. She made sure to sit next to her on the couch as she didn't want Leelee to feel insecure in any way.
"How are we all?" The therapist, Dr. Miller, smiled as she scribbled something down on her legal pad
"Fine," Lindsey answered
"If you were fine, you wouldn't be here," Dr. Miller pointed out
Leelee gulped. She could feel it was going to be quiet the session. The therapist was straight to the point, not as warm and cuddly as she had hoped.
"I...I suppose we are here because of me." Stevie began and Lindsey frowned, taking his wife's hand.
Dr Miller raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Ah, and how so?"
"After the death of our son I couldn't cope, I decided to go on tour and work on every project possible to keep from going home and not being met by my boy. It destroyed my family as I shut them out and had several affairs..." Stevie wiped her eyes, the therapist offering her a box of tissues in which she accepted one
Leelee squirmed in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs. She fidgeted, not making eye contact with anyone as she stared down into her lap.
"Being in the road so much brought up some demons that I either didn't know were there or subconsciously suppressed. I'd like to think before all this, I was a good mother but with the drugs and making myself physically and emotionally unavailable, I wasn't a mother anymore. I wasn't much of anything," Stevie wept.
Lindsey squeezed Stevie's hand comfortingly as Leelee tried her best to shut out what she was hearing. If it were up to her, she would just stuff it down like she usually did and not talk about it. Now that I was out in the open once again, it made her feel things she didn't like.
"Leelee, I see you seem to have some discomfort," Dr. Miller focused on her
"I-I don't want to be here," Leelee said quietly
"Why not?" Dr. Miller tilted her head to the side
"I don't want to hear this."
"Why is that?"
Something about the way she said that irritated Leelee. "Because I'd rather just forget," she said through gritted teeth, scratching at the fabric of her jeans with her fingernails. "I don't want to talk or listen, I'm only doing this for them. They think it will help."
"So you don't think it will?"
"No! Because it's just like reliving it! I HATED the woman that my mother became, you think I want to sit here and be reminded about how my father had to teach me to be a young woman! He was the one that had to teach me about periods and my body changing because my mother wasn't there! I don't want to be constantly reminded of that!" Leelee worked herself up into a fit
Lindsey got up and tried to calm her. Stevie's eyes widened, getting up to soothe her daughter as well.
"Shhh...just breathe," Lindsey said softly. "It's okay to feel the things you do but talking them out will help. We can fix this but you can't hold it inside."
"I'm not mad at you for expressing those things. I know I wasn't a great mother and even if it hurts, your father is right. We have to talk it out so we can heal as a family. I don't want any of us to go through what happened again," Stevie added.
"I can't!" Leelee told them. "I can't...I won't." Lindsey looked to Stevie and she back at him.
"Do you think this was too much? Maybe we need more time." Stevie wondered aloud. Lindsey shrugged, looking to his daughter for the answer.
"I want to sit outside," Leelee sniffled
"You can do that, we'll call you back in when we need you," Dr. Miller nodded, watching the young girl shoot out of her seat and leave the room
Stevie and Lindsey both sighed heavily. Lindsey hated to see his daughter so upset but he was certain this would help them get back on the right track.
"Stephanie, you said you had left your family to focus on other projects. How long were you gone?" Dr Miller looked up at her over her narrow reading glasses, pen ready to write her response down on her pad of paper.
Stevie settled back into her seat and Lindsey plopped down beside her. He noticed Dr Miller wasted no time shifting the attention away from Leelee's outburst.
"Three years," she responded, biting her lip
"Do you think you would have kept touring had something not called you back home?"
"I...I'm not sure." Stevie balled up the tissue in her hand, knowing she had to admit some things to herself not just Lindsey and the therapist. "If I continued down the path I was going, I don't think so, no."
"Lindsey, is that surprising for you to hear?"
"It is, I expected her to just keep going until she physically couldn't anymore," he explained
"In all honestly, I was afraid I was going to...d-die," Stevie told the doctor whose head was down, focused on her writing. "I was afraid I wouldn't wake up one day or that I would take too much and just..." she looked at Lindsey. "I'm lucky that he came for me. He saved me."
"Are you clean now, Stephanie?"
"I'm getting there...some days are worse than others, but I am definitely better than I was."
"Have you been seeing anyone, maybe a drug counselor?"
"I've basically been doing it on my own. Like I said, it's not easy but I'm trying my best."
Lindsey squeezed her hand again and he sniffled. Not only was his daughter struggling but so was his wife and he felt helpless.
"I would like for you to keep in touch with me when you have the urges to use. Maybe we could help you get on a schedule to slowly wean yourself off of the drugs."
"I would like that," Stevie sniffed
"Lindsey, you put this whole thing into motion. What brought you here today? What were you looking to achieve by coming to family therapy?"
"For my family to heal. I don't want a divorce, I just want to help both of them- my wife and my daughter. My daughter is going to have a baby in just a few months and I though now would be as good a time as any to iron things out so she would be clear and ready to be a mother when the baby came."
"How do you feel about becoming grandparents?" Dr. Miller asked them
"I do feel like I've failed as a father in some ways. I did try to teach her about protection, I guess it didn't happen. What's done is done and all I can do is support my daughter and grandchild," Lindsey answered
"I'm excited for there to be a baby around again. I understand better than anyone that mistakes happen and I know that she didn't do this on purpose." Stevie answered
Leelee sat in the hallway and listened to her parents support, a tear rolling down her cheek...
