Built Into the Asylum by @FireGirl665
Description:-
I never knew that the place I worked for was infested with demons, it was like it was alive. I never knew that once they accepted me that I would find things about me that would shock me to the core.
All I wanted was to help people in need and people just needing me there to hold my hand or just need my company. And this work was in my field. I thought nothing bad would happen, until I met him.
Other details:-
12 parts
In progress
Action
Mature content
Review:-
6.5/10
Very good summary. Full of suspense, which is a great way to hook readers. However the grammar in the second paragraph confused me a little, see if there's a way to sort it so it definitely makes sense. Otherwise it definitely attracts readers and should make them start the book to find out what happens.
I really like the way that you have introduced all the characters to us in a separate chapter so a reader will know some background, which will ensure the story makes sense and avoid confusions later. But the grammar is still a little confusing and hard to follow again. Maybe review it yourself or get someone to read through and edit parts which get confusing.
The glossary with the slang terms is also a very good idea, but I think you should put them on each page where the phrases are used, as I think it's difficult to remember them all from beginning to end, especially if the reader is reading over multiple days.
There's an amazing story line and this story has a LOT of great potential, but the sentence structure loses me a lot and I know it could be because I'm reading it with a critical eye as a reviewer, but I do think you need to either spend time on it on your own, or get someone to look through it and organise it. There's too much tense swapping which makes it not make sense.
BUT as I've said, this story is gripping, intriguing and has a lot of potential. Stick with it and if the sentences are sorted you'll get a great audience and following!!!! Just don't give up!!
Review added 8th July 2018
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Reviews 2!
RandomSecond review book! The reviews are back and better than before! Read the first chapter to find out what you have to do for a review! Please remember the reviews are just my opinion. Others may say differently.
