That One Wallflower

-Chapter 1-

Many people think that being the shy one is awesome in high school. People usually go after that person to be their friend or to date because they’re mysterious. As you may know, humans love mysteries. They all crave the end result. There are times that most people don’t care. Which is where I come in.

I am well known for being the anxious wallflower at my college, the only difference between me and other wallflowers is that I didn’t used to be this way. I didn't always have anxiety when doing things and talking to people. I have really bad social anxiety now though, so I always feel alone and hated, even with so-called friends.

I never believed I could be anything other than the depressing shy girl in the corner that people thought of as loud and annoying. Which was slightly true. Until there was that one day where that one guy decided to finally talk to me.

The day started normal. I was sitting in the cafeteria eating breakfast and reading a book when a familiar tall man with fluffy hair sat down next to me. I didn’t catch much of his features because I was ignoring him. He mustn’t have known who he was sitting with or was new to the school. A lot of new students at the university will come over and ask me if I’m alright and then be informed on how they shouldn’t speak with me.

“Hello, I'm Kim Meosjin. How’s the book you’re reading?”

He spoke formally towards me and said things I wasn’t used to. Usually people would ask if I’m okay or torment me about something. I looked at him in disbelief that he said something as if I was a normal human being. I think he noticed that I was in shock because after that was when he asked if I was alright.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m alright.” I began with a melancholy tone, “That’s my queue to let you know that there are more important things to do here and point you in the direction of Alice.”

I pointed him in the direction of the library where the girls hang out to pick up guys. They usually ask them to help them study or they sit in the chairs seductively and read … text messages.

“I’m sorry,” the deep voiced man began, “I must have discouraged you. I am also a senior here and I’ve seen you sit alone for four years and I’m aware of what happens and how it all works. I decided since we graduate this year it would be nice to finally make your acquaintance.”

I was taken aback by these words. No one has said anything like that to me. I’m aware of how cliché that sounds, but at the time that’s all that was going through my head. There was a long awkward tension between us for a good minute before he asked me for my name.

“My name is Jung Jisu. It's nice to see you Kim Meosjin.” I bowed to him respectively and he bowed in return. We began to have a long awkward conversation about the book I was reading and our favourite colours. I kept waiting for the punch line of the joke or someone to pop out and pour something over my head. I waited for him to laugh at me or to scream psych.

“Why are you so aloof?” He asked me, but it seemed like he already knew the answer. The question came out of nowhere. I just looked at him thinking about all the reasons I hate myself and why others hate me. The walls around me are too thick though, so he didn't get the answer he wanted.

“I don't know. Anxiety I guess.” That was only the tip of the iceberg.

“It seems like there's more than that to me.” It felt as if he was interrogating me. It was almost like he knew something I didn't and the only way for me to find out was to answer him.

“Sorry that isn't the answer you were looking for.” His face turned into a frown and he let out a heavy sigh. I found an excuse to leave and headed towards my dorm. He didn't hesitate to let me leave. That was the moment that allowed me to know he was faking it.