Salvation

Chapter 4

Kylo sat still in his quarters thinking about the events that had unfolded from the past few days. It felt like it all happened so fast he didn't have proper time to process it all. 

He couldn't placed his thoughts on one particular problem at a time. Where could he even begin to think?

From the pressure Snoke had on him when it came to finding Skywalker. To the rebels attacking. The traitor disappearing from the base. Hans death. That one weighed on him more than he liked. He thought he would have felt relieved. Like there was no more conflict inside but he was wrong. It felt even more difficult inside him. He couldn't understand it. What had made him slight at ease about the situation was Snoke was pleased with him. Kylo had to push back any negative feelings as far back as he could. Snoke sensed a brief matter but Kylo was able to hide it as a loss. 

"I understand the loss of your father would be at your mind. It is natural. But you are proud of the act." Snoke smiled through the hologram. 

"Yes supreme leader. It was more than necessary." He had told him. 

It was enough to hide his true emotions. But he wasn't prepared for when Snoke brought her up. 

"I had sensed your compassion for her. And believed you when you told me otherwise. What am I to think now?" 

"She means nothing to me as I said. She's just a...scavenger." he felt guilty saying it. Not only did he feel guilty but Snoke immediately knew. 

He chuckled darkly at him. "I see. She either means more to you than you even know, or your just weak enough to let a clueless girl best you in a mind match, escape her prison and completely disappear! Have I made the wrong choice in choosing an apprentice?" He shouted. 

Kylo flinched remembering the pain that seared through his mind as Snoke attack him with no physical effort. It was easy for him to just breeze over Kylos head and cause a large amount of pain. 

But was he right? Did he have some sort of feelings for her? Rey. He heard her name when he had pierced through her mind himself. She often thought to an unfamiliar man calling out to her, promising to come back for her. For his Rey.

It almost broke his heart seeing all the pain she endured for years of fighting off ravaging men, sometimes going days without eating, never feeling any sort of belonging. Except with Han. He saw how much of an impact Han had on her when he was in her mind. It almost disgusted him. He believed what he told her. 

"He would have disappointed you." He told her when she was restrained. 

He saw how much she cared for Han when she cried out seeing him killed. He looked up from the bridge after Han fell over and saw the pain in her eyes. She has enough of it in her life and here was another feeling she would have to live though. Another loss. 

He would have just hurt her even worse if he lived. 

I spared her that pain. 

He knew that to be true. But her face was deeply sketched in his mind. Her tears running down her light tanned face, stray chestnut brown hair strands sticking to her forehead from running. 

He couldn't help himself. His mind wandered to her appearance even more. He couldn't explain how it made him feel. Each time they saw each other she had some negative feeling towards him. 

Like the first time in the forest, it was fear. She was firing away blindly at him. He wasn't even sure if she was really trying to hit him or scare him away. But when he paralyzed her and was able to come closer to her without being attacked, he noticed how small she was. She was slender, fair skinned with a light tan from being sun exposed on Jakku. She trembled in the hold. That should have been a red flag there. Anyone he holds with the force completely cannot move. Not even a twitch. And she was twitching all over. He was too focused on the map to pay attention. 

The second time, when she woke up from his force hold. She may have looked peaceful in sleep but that changed to panic as soon as she woke up. Although she was afraid she tried to hide it, doing a pretty good job. She showed anger towards him. Her round hazel eyes narrowing at him when she saw him. He had to hide his laugh when she was jerking him around by describing physically what the droid was when he asked her about it. She knew very well what he meant and he liked her ballsy stunt to play at him. 

Then she did it. She fought back. She went from tears of pain as he invaded her thoughts to not only shoving him out but going into his! She didn't even know she could do it! She was mimicking his actions. Even when he got her out, she looked at him shocked at her own self.

But even before she did it, before she fought back, before he started to interrogate her they felt some kind of electricity that went through their veins. Like...they were puzzle pieces that finally found the right place. He felt it, and she felt it. 

And then his heart dropped when He saw her face. The one expression she held that he can't erase. Hans death. She was in agony. Her face red. She was in disbelief and the traitor struggled to pull her away. She never took her eyes off him. 

He leaned back on his bed, bringing his hands to his face. Everything was going in the right direction. Everything had made sense. How did one girl throw him off track? 

This is ridiculous. I don't know her. 

But he did know her. He saw her life when he probed. And she fought him back. Invaded his own mind. It should anger him but it didn't. After all, he had invaded her first. He was astounded that without even knowing what she was doing, she showed strength. Imagine what she could do if she was trained? Imagine what she could be? 

He smiled lightly, thinking of her as an equal to him. Something to him. Maybe? It bothered him how suddenly a girl can put him off balance. But to put himself at slight ease...she wasnt ordinary.

He rose up. 

I'm going to find you Rey.