Just Like That

Chapter Six

"Lexi, it'll be okay. Here I'm gonna hang up, so I can pay attention to driving. Okay? I'll be okay. And so will you. If you need anything, contact a nurse. Okay??"

I nervously nod my head.

"Lexi??"

Right. We're on the phone.

"Yeah. Okay. Bye." I tell him and hang up the phone.

As I wait for Derek, I sit and attempt to sort through my thoughts.

I never told Daniel I loved him. Ever. Not even over text.

You could ask me to tell anyone in the world that I love them. Even my mom or dad. But if you we're to ask me to tell Daniel I love him? Now that's a different story. A completely different one.

I go through my notes. I put never-sent messages in here. I find the one for Daniel that I wrote before school started.

Daniel- listen.

I have no idea why but I keep falling for you over and over again and I can't help myself. I'm trying to move on- I am. But every time I finally forget you, you eventually invade my mind. Again. I want it to stop. I do. Because I messed up, and I can't bring you into it. I want you to be happy but I still like you. I need your help. I know you've said this before but I need to hear it over and over again until it actually works. For real. Not a fake shift, a real shift. Where everything goes back in its place for good. No more falling apart, getting fixed, falling apart, getting fixed, etc. I need you to repeat how you feel. Though I already know, I need to hear it on repeat. Like a broken record. "I don't like you. I want no part of you. Just friends. I don't like you. I want no part of you. Just friends. I don't like you. I want no part of you. Just friends. I don't like you. I want no part of you. Just friends. I don't like you. I want no part of you. Just friends. I don't like you. I want no part of you. Just friends."

Okay? because I can't do it alone. Believe me, I've tried. The reason it's so hard is because I love you.

I hit "enter" a few times, and type a new message. Because I know I won't ever send it to him. I have just about all of my memories back. The only things I don't remember are some of the dreams I had while I was in a coma. Or at least I thought they were dreams. I don't know what to call them.

Daniel, hear me out. Please. Or delete this message and don't read it. Because honestly I wish you will. But if you do, tell me. Because I need to know if you read this or not. Just respond anything if you do.

I am at the point where I am about to ask you if you even want to be my friend because I feel like I involve you too much.

I know you're dating Anna. Which is exactly why I shouldn't tell you this. But I'm sick of tripping and falling. I still care about you. A lot. And this is so hard to say and I shouldn't be saying it over text message

But I don't have the guts to say it any other way. I know its a wimpy excuse but its the only one I got. I fell in love with you. And I know you don't feel the same way and probably never have.

I don't even know why I'm telling you this. But at the same time I do. I'm so happy that you are happy dating Anna. I'm not expecting for you to feel the same way because I know you don't. I'm telling you this because maybe if I admit it to you, I won't have to try to like some guy just to keep me from falling again, maybe I can move on. I havent liked you this whole time. I have moved on for some periods of time, but i end up in the exact place I started. I know you turned me down once and I expect to hear it again. I think hearing it as if it was a broken record would help. But please don't let this ruin our friendship. Because I value our friendship.