Arrows and Lollipops

Half of You

Jennie's POV

A loud scoff escaped my lips after reading Taehyung's response to my last message.

GUCCI-babe: I won't unless you promise me we won't be talking about Chaeyoung and Jimin's problem like always.

Taehyung had changed his name on my phone gazillion times. Not that I mind honestly coz most often, he would come up with the sweetest even randomly sending me a blank one so I would see his new name on my contacts.

A week had passed and Bangtan is overseas for a concert. Exactly a week after both Blackpink and BTS were in a panic with the possibility of Chaeyoung being pregnant and Jimin being stupid for making her feel upset.

I let out a puff and rolled my eyes as if he was seeing me right now, the memory of our last talk flashing real fast in front of me.

"Jennie, stop worrying. It'll come around," I felt his hands wrapped around my waist as I cry inside my room.

After Chaeyoung walked out, we ended up rushing to follow her. Now, she's locked herself in her room and she's probably crying too.

My heart aches for her. It wasn't my position but even I was hurt.

That same night,  Taehyung sneaked in my room.

My eyes glared at Taehyung.

"Why is he like that? All he does is make Chaeyoung cry. And why does he have to sound like a jerk making it seems like he was choosing you guys over her? She's his wife, for Pete's sake!"

His face softened and he let out a sigh.

I know it's not right of me to lash out on him but he's the only person I can share my thoughts with without being judged for it.

"Jennie, I know it's frustrating and I cannot say anything about Jimin's actions. He has reasons, maybe all confused as of the moment too, but I know him and Chaeyoung can figure this out. So please, don't let yourself get affected that much, okay?" he brushed the strands of my hair over my side. Like always, his expression softened as he pulled me closer, and my stomach filled with nervous knots as I felt his lips at the top of my head.

"Taehyung, in the future, will you do the same to me?" I can't help but ask. He pulled away from me a little, his eyebrow meeting, and somehow, I regret asking him that.

"What do you mean? Are you asking me if I will leave you in case I get you pregnant?" he asked amused and I felt my throat getting dry, my cheeks burning hot as well.

In embarrassment, I buried my face over his chest which resulted in loud chuckles escaping him.

"Forget it. It's an absurd question," I mouthed and I can feel the shaking of his body.

"Jennie, the farthest we've come was our tongue-tied. Though I'd love to take you in anytime, I won't when I know you're not ready," he whispered, his hand reaching for my chin lifting my face a little so our eyes would meet.

His eyes were shining, glimmering, amusement, lust and moreover, love,  they're all there.

Lately, I've been thinking about how much I love him and how I should be telling him about it but the circumstances seemed not to allow me.

I'm afraid. He's been waiting for it, I know. But I am goddamn afraid of everything, the consequences, of commitment,  and of the future, our relationship will hold us.

Seeing how the relationship had been breaking Chaeyoung every time gives me every excuse not to let this relationship escalate even more.

"Right this moment, be my girl, Nini..." he whispered before giving me short pecks on the lips, my stomach churning once again with the emotions swirling all over my system.

I wanted to say yes. I want us to be official. Heck, we're doing things those who are in a relationship those.

His right hand cupped the side of my cheek and gently brushes my skin, my eyes closing as my heart aches for us.

"You know I can't Taehyung. The dating ban, all the mess our teams are with right now, and Chaeyoung's state, everything's a mess," I mumbled, my words burning my mouth while his heart breaking into pieces.

"We're okay like this, aren't we? We're fine. I mean, we go out. We see each other, video calls, messages. We do everything boyfriend and girlfriend does," my breath hitch when he released his hands off me, and slowly, he moved further until he was already sitting at the corner of my bed.

"We do, so why can't we be girlfriends and boyfriends? Why is it that hard for you to tell me how you feel? And why is our relationship always revolving around the things that are happening around us, our members? Isn't this just about us now?" he spatted, his words brutal for my heart yet I know he has a point and I can't get mad because I know where he was coming from.

"It's not that simple. Life isn't simple Tae. There are things in life that we can't have just because we want it,"

"Just because you're afraid to have it doesn't mean you can't, Jennie. You can have me..."

"I-" I was lost for words. His eyes moistening tells me how this is hurting him too.

I am hurting him.

"What will change if we go official? Isn't it the same?" I moved closer. My knees shaking yet my heart tells me I need to move forward until I was standing in front of him.

He lifted his gaze, his lips quivering as he watches me, eyes burning with disappointment and pain, crushing my heart altogether.

"In essence? Nothing. But between you and me, a lot. At least I'd know you're committed with "us". With you being like this, I feel like I'm always last on your list. Nini, getting half of you isn't enough. Don't you think you're being unfair?"

He lost it. Tears started streaming down his face.

Is this how much he is hurting?

His hands reached for my waist and slowly, he buried his face on my stomach, my hand automatically reaching the top of his head as I slowly brush the locks of his hair.

How did we end into this?

My mouth shut, words were stuck on my throat and afraid I'd somehow mess up even more.

So I let him. I let him cry his heart out as I try to suppress my own tears.

After an hour, he stood up and gave me a hug telling me he has to leave and I let him.

After a longing kiss, he left, with his heart on a weakened state and mine the same.

That night, sleep doesn't seem to visit me. I ended up being awake the entire time.

The loud knocking on my door put me off my trance, bringing me back the present, my door suddenly opening revealing a frantic Jisoo looking a mess.

"Did you see Lisa? Her mom called and she said Lisa isn't answering her calls and messages," she said in a panic and my eyes closed immediately.

Lisa most probably had a fight with her mom again.

So I grab my phone and send Taehyung a message.

"Fine, be like that. Btw, I'm going out. We'll be looking for Lisa,"