Accident

Flash Back

Harmony was sitting on the porch swing, it was late December and she hated to be cold so it was odd for her to be outside at all. I walked up to her because I'd taken to walking to her home in any season since she live relatively close.

"Why is she so perfect?" She asked tentatively

"Who's perfect?" I asked genuinely confused

"Lauren, never mind though, you'll take her side anyway so it doesn't matter" she said getting up abruptly and walking towards the garage

"Woah, H, what's this about are you guys having problems?"

"No it's just that-"

I woke in a cold sweat it's not like I couldn't remember that specific moment it's that even when I opened my eyes I could still see us standing there in the snow. It was the only thing I could see any more. The thing about my partial blindness is it's not just partial I get blurbs of color here and there but that about as good as it's gets.

I get up from bed and walk to the bathroom, maybe I should visit Harmony it's been a couple months since I left the house. I was friends with her for a longer period of time then I was friends Lauren.

Walking down the hall I knock on my sisters door.

"What?!" She asks yanking the door open. "Oh, I thought you were mom."

"Will you take me somewhere?" I asked not really caring what she was hiding.

"Where?"

"I want to go see Harmony."

I was met with silence and most likely a concerned look, considering the last time I left the house was the funerals and the week later when I was diagnosed with the partial blindness.

"I would drive, but doc tells me I'm not exactly the best driver anymore."

I could hear the humor in her voice when she replied.

"Yeah well welcome to the family then none of us are the greatest drivers. I'll grab my keys."

The sensation of being in a moving vehicle with no sight was completely foreign to me. I know i'm moving forward but I have nothing to look at. It's dull, bleak, and upsetting. It reminds me of just how alone I am. My therapist Glenda tells me that it's good I'm not afraid of cars because it means I'm moving past the accident. I quit frankly think she's stupid when she says this to me because how could I be afraid of something that didn't cause this. My sister hits the breaks and I lurch forward.

"fuck I'm sorry this guy just cut me off, are you alright?"

"I'm fine how much longer till we get there?"

"We should be there in a little bit, but are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah."

The gravel below the tires is what made me realize we were here. The car slowed to a stop and even before the keys were taken from the ignition I was out and moving towards what I hoped was the direction of my friends grave.

"Aren't you walking a little fast for someone who can't see where they're going" she said catching up to me

"Well I hope if I'm going the wrong way you'd tell me but since we're still going I'm pretty sure we're going the right way." I stopped "Which one is it?" I asked because I couldn't see the names on any of the stones.

"It's the one to your left"

I took one pace to the stone and slowly lowered to my knees I moved my hand across the stone slowly tracing each and every letter. How lonely they felt, how cold and depressing it felt to not even be able to read what it said.

"God I miss you guys so much" I said resting my head on the cold marble surface. "It should have been me" I whispered .